Daddy's Home by Tony Rubino and Gary Markstein for January 15, 2015

running,? you show him how to run (ha) i laugh

What DOES that mean?

It means, open mouth, insert foot.

That means your kid is a smartass!

Makes as much sense as a lot of other incomprehensible parental admonitions…“I’ll give you something to cry about!”(How would that help, exactly?)“There are starving children in India who would love those string beans…”

(OK, I’d be happy to share.)

X … thanks for helping us with that.

My mom, when she was totally fed up with us, would yell “Stop that right now or I will knock you down and jump up and down on top of you!” We always knew we had almost gone to far and would get remarkably well behaved for about 10 minutes. ;-)

It means he will get a swift-kick in the A#@!

Don’t make me turn this house around. I’ll do it!

If it were me, if Elliot were to keep up that running, he won’t be able to sitting for a long time.

My mom said, “If you break your leg, don’t come running to me.”

Some of you might enjoy this; for the rest of you, just ignore it….1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE,

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

So TONY doesn’t ask us questions anymore? SIGH!

JPuzzleWhiz said, about 7 hours ago

-———*Second “Daddy’s Home” Question:

Did you have to “go up there”? WHY, YES, YES, I DID! SIGH!

Second question:Nope! The sound of my voice was sufficient to get the job done!

I have no idea what that means, but I do understand it. Have you ever butchered something you were trying to say, so badly that you made yourself laugh? Not a good thing to happen when you had to “go up there”..We don’t have a second level, but I have had to “go IN there, come over there, and once had to climb up there”.