Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 24, 2015
Transcript:
Pig, The Unmotivational Speaker Man: Master Guru Pig?... I have a question... My life feels so directionless... So lost... What should I do? Pig: Grab a gallon of ice cream and lie on your couch for days!! Man: Hallelujah, brother Pig!! Pig: Bless you, brother!
aardvarkseyes over 9 years ago
People will believe anything if it is said with enough authority. Or, if it involves eating ice cream…
Sherlock Watson over 9 years ago
But what’s Pig’s stance on chocolate sprinkles?
Templo S.U.D. over 9 years ago
What’s an alternative, Pig, if you’re lactose intolerant: frozen yogurt? (Not that I’m L.I.)
AlnicoV over 9 years ago
Telling people what they want to hear also works on cable news networks.
blunebottle over 9 years ago
Hey, I think Pig’s onto something……
cdgar over 9 years ago
I’ve been doing that for years – I’m still directionless.
juicebruce over 9 years ago
Before the ice cream one should eat 6 or 8 bacon cheeseburger sliders…..and frys……let’s go all the way !
Cameron1988 Premium Member over 9 years ago
Pig, took lessons from that douchebag, Armando, guy on “Undercover Boss” weeks ago
Charlie Fogwhistle over 9 years ago
For the lactose intolerant, probably sorbet or something like it.
dsom8 over 9 years ago
Also, the solution for when you see your retirement fund running out before you are.
oldnavy over 9 years ago
Sounds like Pig works for the Veterans Administration (the VA).
Retired Dude over 9 years ago
Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla and Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup.
Sisyphos over 9 years ago
Peddling soft solutions to a gullible audience is a time-dishonored enterprise. Snake oil, elixirs, ice cream…all the same. Hucksters such as Pig has become thankfully rarely succeed for very long before being exposed and falling from public favor….Take it to heart, Pig. This will not last.
Saddenedby Premium Member over 9 years ago
gallon of milk, two or three bags of chocolate chip cookies, a raspberry chocolate cheesecake, AND a couple gallons of ice cream always bring on the coma and truly makes ME unmotivated!!!! bless you pig for your unmotivating gift!!-the only thing better would be 24/7 cable watching while eating all of the above
Radical_Knight over 9 years ago
Pastis has been watching the TRINITY NETWORK again.
sperry532 over 9 years ago
Oh, WHERE do I sign up???
Mike Parsons Premium Member over 9 years ago
Will cheese puffs be an acceptable substitute, oh great Guru?
Number Three over 9 years ago
I wish I was in that audience!
xxx
nailer Premium Member over 9 years ago
Finally a cult I can join!Hallelujah!
Sheila Hardie over 9 years ago
SIgn me up!
Arianne over 9 years ago
Audrey to an injured Cary in “Charade” – You won’t be able to lie on your back for a while, but then, you can lie from any position, can’t you.
laisla1315 over 9 years ago
Pig has finally found his calling!
Arianne over 9 years ago
Don’t forget the Golden Rule – Scoop unto others as you would have them scoop unto you. I just hope this doesn’t lead to denominational flavor wars.
abbybookcase over 9 years ago
hallelujah!!!! a religion with no wars. let’s all eat . no arguments over what flavor please.
claire de la lune. over 9 years ago
I’m eating ice cream while reading this. Coincidence!
CesarSantos over 3 years ago
Bad advice but feels so good…
robertiris over 2 years ago
And thus the great schism between the church of cheese and that of ice cream began.