Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for June 04, 2010
May 28, 2010
June 11, 2010
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling USA TO RELINQUISH VAST TERRITORIES Voluntary Adjustment for Past Gay-Fought Wars The United States has decided to give much of its land to other nations, in order to right the wrongs of past wars. Congressman Clay Worthington (R-Tenn) explains. "We now know that something like 5 or 10% of any population is homosexual. That means that the American military of past generations, when such things were not even discussed, must have included a sizeable number of gays. "And so, because we won wars and defended land with a partially gay fighting force, which we deplore, we are giving up land we would have lost had our military been smaller, but fully heterosexual. "It's a high price, but one we are willing to pay for our ideals." Without improperly inflated troops, we wouldn't have taken this land from the original French settlers. Back it goes to France, and they can fill it with baguettes and tiny poodles for all we care. With diminished forces, we clearly would have succumbed to Germany in WWII, who would have advanced to our shores. Now these states can have the Socialist government they apparently crave. Not sure who to give Florida to...the Seminoles? Cuba? Spain? But clearly we're giving South Beach to SOMEONE! The land of fruits and nuts couldn't have been won from Mexico without homo troops, so adios, muchachos! See ya when we peek over our wall. The new wholesomely straight, rightfully won U.S. of A. Won properly by 100% mainly cowboys and stoic ranchers. "After giving back these lands, we are left with a God-fearing, straight-shooting, McCain-voting nation, with an all-heterosexual military defending our families, including my own, consisting of myself, my wonderful wife, my two fine sons, and my manservant and baggage handler Manuel." -Rep. Clay Worthington, New U.S.A.
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He-Manatee over 14 years ago
In case anyone’s wondering, South Beach is Miami’s lame-ass, commercialized attempt at a Greenwich Village. There are a few gays there, but mostly tourists, club kids, idiot frat-boy-types and lots & lots of fake breasts.
Boy-oh-boy, am I ever glad to be back in NYC.
Ashrey over 14 years ago
New York here!
To the manservant Manuel, How you doin’?
James Hicks Premium Member over 14 years ago
Your 5-10% number is quoting a flawed study from the 40’s. The best current research says the number of gays in our society is 1-2%.
Who still deserve to be accepted and respected.
Nighthawks Premium Member over 14 years ago
hm, I guess I better start learning to like crepes and wearing a beret
lewisbower over 14 years ago
Hey, not all New England is filled with Teddy think alikes. Some of us refuse to read the NY Times to see what the damned Yankees are up to. We already have Red Sox Nation Come on down Fenway and call us socialists.
wolfe526 over 14 years ago
@ Chikuku: Texas won its own independence from Mexico, with little to NO help from USA. New Mexico and the rest are part of the Mexican-American War. A Lone Star Lover
poohbear8192 over 14 years ago
There is no U.S. Congressman Clay Worthington. (or state rep. either.)
LIst of congressmen with last names starting with W.
(cut and paste yields weird spacing)
Walden, Greg, Oregon, 2nd Walz, Timothy J., Minnesota, 1st Wamp, Zach, Tennessee, 3rd Wasserman Schultz, Debbie,Florida, 20th Waters, Maxine, California, 35th
Watson, Diane E., California, 33rd Watt, Mel, North Carolina, 12th Waxman, Henry, California, 30th Weiner, Anthony D., New York, 9th Welch, Peter, Vermont, At-Large Westmoreland, Lynn A., Georgia, 3rd Whitfield, Ed, Kentucky, 1st Wilson, Charles A., Ohio, 6th Wilson, Joe, South Carolina, 2nd Wittman, Robert J., Virginia, 1st Wolf, Frank, Virginia, 10th Woolsey, Lynn, California, 6th Wu, David, Oregon, 1stWho is this a parody of?
Usually Ruben does not invent quotes or quoters. What gives?
ottod Premium Member over 14 years ago
@Jimxoo67 Got anything even remotely resembling a reference to that, “… best current research…”?
mrsullenbeauty over 14 years ago
Ha ha, no gay cowboys or ranchers! That was the funniest part.
Withan over 14 years ago
Dude, take back NH!
luckyjean22 over 14 years ago
Like your cartoon but your sense of history is kinda lacking.
That whole section in the middle was bought (not fought over) from the French, and that includes Oklahoma, so none of this cartoon applies to that.
But hey, if someone was really homophobic they probably wouldn’t care about the actual history so maybe the cartoon is really spot on.
Charles Brobst Premium Member over 14 years ago
I always felt it was a mistake to let South Carolina back into the Union. New York German American Democratic Socialist and proud of it!
LakeOrion over 14 years ago
The reference to the baggage handler Manuel is a parody of the situation recently in the news concerning a Southern Baptist fundamental preacher named George Rekers.
Vehemently anti-gay in his preaching, in May 2010, the Miami New Times reported that Rekers had hired a man who offered male prostitution through a website called Rentboy.com as a “travel companion” to travel with him, carry his bags, and provide daily one-hour nude massages during a ten-day trip to Europe.
Limb_Ashhauler over 14 years ago
looks like oklahoma falls in the straight category
is that map right?
smurf_farts over 14 years ago
So what about Hawaii and Alaska? Gay give-back or not?
Chikuku - So when Spain defeated the Aztecs, creating the nation of Mexico, that wasn’t stealing? How about the Mexica invasion of the Valley of Mexico?
Every nation on Earth was formed, at least in by part, by conquest. Just because one sides with the losers, doesn’t mean it’s theft.