I heard a ‘lil legend once that Burl went to Wal Mart on Black Friday, hoping to crowd surf: they moved him slowly but surely over the entire mass of humanity, to the ongoing mantra: “Hey, get rid of the big fat smelly guy, it stinks in here!!” Head ’oer head, hand ’oer hand, Burl’s gross bulk was gradually delivered to the front doors and out onto the parking lot, just as the emergency crews were arriving with smelling salts to revive various overwhelmed participants. Burl’s saving THAT story to tell his grandkids when they ask about “those big rock festivals of the 20th century”. Should Patty, in the meantime, be so cooperative………
The Penny’s never really experience being crowded. Their personal hygiene (the stench from Joy’s rinsed but never washed bra is merely one small factor), their chronic flatulence (its peaks coinciding with cabbage day at the Steaming Steer Buffet), and the extremely unpleasant sensation of contact with their jiggling bulk (shudder) combine to keep a generous clear area around them. It would be worse but for their taste in sweatshirts that serve, like stripes on the foul tasting caterpillar and the bright colors of the poisonous tree frog, as warning signs. .Of course, there was that time in the Dollar-a-Pop store when they were seriously jostled when they became part of a herd of similar beasts in an aisle already cramped by temporary displays of flannel backed plaid vinyl table cloths, Chinese home pregnancy tests (seconds), and syrup flavored Vienna sausages (sell-by date blacked out). A woman in orange short shorts unexpectedly reversed her ride-on shopping cart and the beeping panicked the herd and set off a self-replicating mass fat tsunami. Disaster was narrowly averted when an 18 year old assistant manager announced a flash sale on a limited supply of five-pound bags of Cheeto-like snacks on another aisle, goading the victims into desperate efforts.
Well isn’t that the real and only problem no one talks about…. Too may humans…. causing ALL the other problems we talk about!
But did you know if you allow 2 square feet per person, The entire population of the world would fit into Los Angeles County… ! ? !. (Except Burl and Joy).
@InTraining no one wants to talk about it because they maybe volunteered to be removed lol. Of course the Pennys don’t want to volunteer for anything anyways unless it is first for at the food trough
mikie2 about 9 years ago
I guess it just what moves you, Burl. I know it takes a Mack truck to move you, but still…or a HoHo or anything cheap.
mikie2 about 9 years ago
Or maybe the Beatles’ “Something (in the way she moves.” Or even James Taylor. But not a HoHo.
crabbear about 9 years ago
Oh, well…….
orbenjawell Premium Member about 9 years ago
I heard a ‘lil legend once that Burl went to Wal Mart on Black Friday, hoping to crowd surf: they moved him slowly but surely over the entire mass of humanity, to the ongoing mantra: “Hey, get rid of the big fat smelly guy, it stinks in here!!” Head ’oer head, hand ’oer hand, Burl’s gross bulk was gradually delivered to the front doors and out onto the parking lot, just as the emergency crews were arriving with smelling salts to revive various overwhelmed participants. Burl’s saving THAT story to tell his grandkids when they ask about “those big rock festivals of the 20th century”. Should Patty, in the meantime, be so cooperative………
MeGoNow Premium Member about 9 years ago
The Penny’s never really experience being crowded. Their personal hygiene (the stench from Joy’s rinsed but never washed bra is merely one small factor), their chronic flatulence (its peaks coinciding with cabbage day at the Steaming Steer Buffet), and the extremely unpleasant sensation of contact with their jiggling bulk (shudder) combine to keep a generous clear area around them. It would be worse but for their taste in sweatshirts that serve, like stripes on the foul tasting caterpillar and the bright colors of the poisonous tree frog, as warning signs. .Of course, there was that time in the Dollar-a-Pop store when they were seriously jostled when they became part of a herd of similar beasts in an aisle already cramped by temporary displays of flannel backed plaid vinyl table cloths, Chinese home pregnancy tests (seconds), and syrup flavored Vienna sausages (sell-by date blacked out). A woman in orange short shorts unexpectedly reversed her ride-on shopping cart and the beeping panicked the herd and set off a self-replicating mass fat tsunami. Disaster was narrowly averted when an 18 year old assistant manager announced a flash sale on a limited supply of five-pound bags of Cheeto-like snacks on another aisle, goading the victims into desperate efforts.
InTraining Premium Member about 9 years ago
Well isn’t that the real and only problem no one talks about…. Too may humans…. causing ALL the other problems we talk about!
But did you know if you allow 2 square feet per person, The entire population of the world would fit into Los Angeles County… ! ? !. (Except Burl and Joy).
Dani Rice about 9 years ago
So Burl goes out on Black Friday, but doesn’t see the irony of being in a big crowd? Of course, irony is totally lost on him.
shamest Premium Member about 9 years ago
@InTraining no one wants to talk about it because they maybe volunteered to be removed lol. Of course the Pennys don’t want to volunteer for anything anyways unless it is first for at the food trough