Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for December 11, 2015

Why do people always have it in for fruitcake? I love fruitcake! (The dark cake, that is.)

“Choose the form of the destructor.”

Good Fruitcake is very good..

Cheap Fruitcake is NOT…

Now THAT’S a horror!

The gift that keeps regifting.

Could it be a very obscure Magic: the Gathering reference? http://magiccards.info/hho/en/1.html

Actually, if you steam them, they can be moist and tasty. (Learned this trick from an episode of Beverly Hillbillies addressing Elly Mae Clampett’s doughnuts.)

Candied fruit is an abomination, an affront to Mother Nature. RUM cake, emphasis as shown, on the other hand, is a gift.

Favorite Fruitcake

15 cups flour

Red thingies

Green thingies

Syrup

.

Mix ingredients. Bake. Spray with hair spray or lacquer.

He really packs a bite!