Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for March 19, 2016

“Gee, ossifer, I didn’t know you could see my reefer from out there! — eh, that is why you pulled me over, right?”

Well, yes, for once the Perfesser said what I’d have wanted to say under those circumstances.I think the “charge” was “driving an alleged vehicle”. it certainly wasn’t speeding.

“Do you know why a bird is driving a car…”

Had a cop ask me that once. Turns out he’d given my husband a verbal warning about a burnt out tail light that hadn’t gotten fixed by the time I drove it. (My husband didn’t tell me about it either, until I told him about getting stopped.)

Not a good thing to say to a police officer.

Well first thought was the cop wanted to ask about the old Desoto, , & why it was still running.

How does one get hand cuffs on wings? Wing cuffs?

The body fell out of the trunk.

Is Cosmo trying to Desoto Dodge the question?

Cop to Jonathan Winters: “Where’s the fire, buddy?”Winters: “In your eyes, officer!”

Winters reported that after that, the cop went back to his car and wrote for three hours!

“I suppose you’ll tell me that you were speeding because your wife is about to have a baby?”:“No, officer, I was speeding on my way to YOUR wife to make a baby!” (This did not end well……..)

I want to go directly to Prison!

That’s just asking for him to throw the book at you, Cosmo.

They’re not called doughnuts anymore. Now, for some reason I don’t understand, they are “brodies”.

I think that is the stupidest question a police officer can ever ask. I mean really, do they think a driver is psychic?

My ex used to say stupid stuff like that, thinking I could read her mind, officer, may I divorce you too?

I had one experience where the cop said through the window, “Do you know I had to swerve and wind my way through heavy speeding traffic just to catch you?”

Duh…

Buddy of mine, now retired, got a long “I know the Mayor” sort of tirade from an offender. His response:

“Please press firmly. You are signing five copies.”