Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for December 03, 2008

Oh no, another Motorola….

Margueritem! Are you a former Motorolan??

Just in time for the holidays.

TX: no, but I dealt with them for many years, and heard the tales of woe.

margueritem: Yes, I lasted through three rounds of head-scratching layoffs during my tenure there. And every time I observed some of the good workers that were being escorted from the premises while the ineffectual middle-management corporate suck-ups were retained, my reaction was indeed “Whoa!”

get it? “woe” = “Whoa”, yuk yuk yuk

I made it through three major RIFs [reduction-in-force] at a Fortune 5 company before it went through a big merger.

At one of the facilities, employees were lined up alphabetically, A-L in the morning, M-Z in the afternoon.

It was supposedly all confidential. However, when the lucky employee exited ‘the room’, they either turned right to go back to their workspace or left to go to HR…

At another office, someone created a ‘Black Friday’ flow chart that started with ‘Step 1 - does your security badge still work?’, ‘Step 2 - are there empty boxes outside your cube’, etc.

I work for myself now. Longer hours, lower pay, no benefits, lower blood pressure … all the perks.

Time to recycle my song from the last recession! This made me feel a little better as everything was falling apart around me. (The name, umm, are not random.)

The problem’s all in our headcount, they said If we aren’t careful we will end up in the red We must reorganize and tighten up our belt There must be fifty ways to fire your workers

We told investors that we will be in the black Those who are left can just pick up the slack Or we can bring them as consultants back There must be fifty ways to fire your workers

Just tell them to leave, Steve, Say “you’re unemployed”, Lloyd, Call an offsite, Dwight, Spring a surprise! Make up a list, Chris, Smile and be flip, Skip, Disorient them with rumors and lies.

The company’s still going to the dogs. Nothing’s helping, though already we’ve done dozens of reorgs. Perhaps it’s management that all our systems clogs? Hmmm…. There must be fifty ways to fire your workers.

You’ve got to leave, Steve, You’re unemployed, Lloyd, See you offsite, Dwight, What a surprise! You’re on the list, Chris, Try not to flip, Skip, Leaving behind them rumors and lies…

It must be very sad for all of those people who loved to work for long time had to leave and find another jobs with low pays, no health benefits unless must have health benefits for our healths’sakes and so forth. Let God bless all of us to find the jobs that will be better than nothing.

I take some pride in the fact that when I was laid off by my once-Fortune-50 computer-manufacturer employer of 33 years that I was trusted to stay for the remaining 4-5 weeks after my notice. It took that long to migrate 33 years of accumulated STUFF from my cube (never had an office) to my home. This as opposed to a friend with 45 years with the company who was escorted to the door with one box of belongings. Her mouth was always a little too sarcastic for them to trust her.

My former employer once had over 100,000 employees. Their most recent annual report admitted, in a long chart buried way in the back, that they still had 30,000–4,000 less than when they laid me off.

Meantime, their stock which once sold in the 40-45 DOLLAR range, recently closed at 49 CENTS. Some would say that makes it a good time to buy. I don’t think so, unless you are in the market for used ergonomic office chairs.

anat622: Great song parody.

Gweedo: I just read your comment. I’ll have you know that this avatar is a genuine Vermeer, entitled ‘Bag lady’.

txmystic says:

margueritem: Yes, I lasted through three rounds of head-scratching layoffs during my tenure there. And every time I observed some of the good workers that were being escorted from the premises while the ineffectual middle-management corporate suck-ups were retained, my reaction was indeed “Whoa!”

get it? “woe” = “Whoa”, yuk yuk yuk

I get it. Motorola gave us fits for many years. The story I heard was that a mgr, accompanied by a security guard, would walk up to a person’s desk and tell them that they were being let go, and to get their stuff and leave. Then the guard escorted them from the premises.

All Things Considered (NPR) yesterday (? maybe/prolly wrong?) had a story on a company that had 19-23 (the person lost count) rounds of layoffs. Now, that’s just bad: he said that near the end, he almost wanted to be laid off, just so the stress and extra work and all the rest would end…