Monty by Jim Meddick for November 07, 2017

How do you get down off a Monty?

I was in a down jacket in Scotland and in a store and the the clerk had never seen one. She kept touching it going How Puffy! How Puffy! in an accent, it was funny. My friends were laffing hard.

Oh the humanity! This is probably how the Michelin Man got started.

Scissors

I have yet to see a sleeping bag that doesn’t have a zipper that jams.

My wife keeps buying these “dress” zip-up hoodies to wear at her chilly workspace. I keep pushing her to look for metal zippers— the plastic ones she gets last a season, if she’s lucky: planned obsolescence.

For those who don’t know zip about zippers, look for apparel with YKK zippers: http://www.slate.com/articles/business/branded/2012/04/ykk_zippers_why_so_many_designers_use_them_.html

That can be a problem with new coats. The zipper tends to be sticky.

I bet he’s hallucinating already.

What word do you replace the “*@#%” with . . .?

You have brought this on yourself, Monty! Why not go outside (in the cold) and work the zipper there until it gives. If that puffy coat becomes waterlogged while you’re “hydrating” (around here, we say “drinking water”), you may drown! How ironic would that be?