Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for February 16, 2018

Still taking the rejection better than I thought.

Think you’re really righteous?

Think you’re really smart?

Well I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art.

Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble

When you’re perfect in every way

I can’t wait to look in the mirror

Cause I get better looking each day

To know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man

Oh Lord It’s hard to be humble,

But I’m doing the best that I can

Lord Splendid Humility would object to what you just said, Marigold.

I think this is the closest thing to an apology a unicorn is going to make.

And how was that Phoebe’s fault?, you’re who auditioned, not her in your place.

“Whilst”? Does Marigold speak with a British accent?

Donald Trump can’t stop bragging how humble he is.

See how awesomely humble I am? Huh? Huh?!