Close to Home by John McPherson for May 01, 2018

Well at least they’re paying some attention to this presentation, and besides you’ve got mail! Lots of them from the way it sounds.

30 minutes later Elise is fired and tells the kids they will be living in the street.

As they used to say, what a gas!

She should simply use Ctrl + Delete + F. The “F” will stop the “farts”, though they will be rerouted to a public Facebook page.

Mute button has a speaker with a line through it.

“As our competitors have been focusing on infrastructure…. they have also been hacking our computers.”

I had the Angry Birds “pig” sound announce incoming mail on my work PC for many years. Enormous fun when a new visitor (particularly, a new boss) came to my office. Just watch the distraction play over their face! It even halted a grouse session.

Kids!!

Many years ago Monty Python had a ’puter game that also included a short program that would make such noises for any key pressed on your keyboard.

That’s why when giving a presentation, it’s best practice to exit out of all other applications including email, instant messengers, social media, the Fifty Shades of Grey e-book you’re in the middle of reading, the Buzzfeed article about the best lies to get out of work, etc.

This should remove any chances of embarrassment while your desktop is being shared on the big projector behind you.

Back in the mid-90’s I found myself with too much free time at work and a Sun workstation with a demo login. Despite having no prior experience with the system I was able to create an audio file and attach it to the demo login. With that, every time someone used that login, the speaker would announce… “I don’t need a diaper change” (in a very strange voice with bizarre inflections). I figured it wouldn’t last past the first login by someone else. Much to my surprise, the existing administrators of the system had no idea how to undo what I had done.

…and this would be the first time I’ve publicly admitted to that little stunt, I certainly wasn’t going to tell them. I was getting ready to retire from military service after 21 years and didn’t want the heat as not everyone thought it was funny (humor is so subjective 8^)

I think her kids better stay away from her for a while.

You got gas!