Broom Hilda by Russell Myers for December 19, 2010

  1. Emerald
    margueritem  almost 14 years ago

    Stay safe, Broomie.

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  2. Missing large
    Llewellenbruce  almost 14 years ago

    What are your chances of making it Broomie?

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  3. Grog poop
    GROG Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    She’s not texting, but what would happen if she did?

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  4. Deficon
    Coyoty Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    Of course witches migrate. Ducks migrate, and if a witch weighs like a duck…

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  5. Veggie tales
    Yukoner  almost 14 years ago

    Candidates for “America’s Worst Driver”.

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  6. Veggie tales
    Yukoner  almost 14 years ago

    I wonder if they get frequent flier miles?

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    cdward  almost 14 years ago

    But don’t pack all those books - get an e-reader!

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  8. Garfield
    linsonl  almost 14 years ago

    I didn’t know Broomie lived in Atlanta….Everybody drives like that around here, except, of course, me.

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  9. Missing large
    dandrew55  almost 14 years ago

    I wonder if it is because they are all women?

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  10. Thrill
    fritzoid Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    But Coyoty, could a migrating duck carry a one-pound coconut? With its webbed feet, it would be tough to grip the coconut by the husk.

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  11. Thrill
    fritzoid Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    In the first place, RCM, Don’t call me ”FRITZI!!!”

    Whooo…

    It depends on the duck. An average mallard (the most abundant and widespread species) weighs around 2 pounds, which is considerably larger than a 5-oz European swallow. (Domestic ducks, like African swallows, are larger than their counterparts above, but then domestic ducks are likewise non-migratory.)

    I don’t know about carrying capacity, but an unladen European swallow cruises at about 34 ft/sec, and the much-heavier mallard doubles that (70 ft/sec). So I’d imagine that a single migrating duck would be able carry at least as much as two swallows (which, it is generally acknowledged, could have carried a one-pound coconut if they’d had it on a line), even if it couldn’t reach its top speeds. So I must submit that, in the case of a duck (weighing the same as a witch made of wood), it is very much a question of where it grips it.

    (Teresa, that’s just silly. A 5-pound…I mean 3 pound hen can’t fly at all; if one were to migrate she’d need to walk, which creates new problems of coconut transport. The weight wouldn’t be a big issue, but she’d have to have someone strap it to her back or rig up a cart.)

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  12. Thrill
    fritzoid Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    Personally, I suspect that Arthur’s coconuts came up from the Caribbean via the Gulf Stream, and washed ashore in Northumbria (Mercia having no coastline to speak of, although there might have been a corridor to the sea near present-day Liverpool). Coconuts float even better than bread or apples. Then they might have made their way South to the Midlands by any number of means, with no avian assistance required. For instance, there were still wolves in Britain in 932 A.D., and a wandering pack might have mistaken the coconuts for tennis balls. Before they’re husked coconuts are much larger than tennis balls, of course, but they’re a nice bright green, and a wolf would have no trouble getting a purchase in it with its teeth.

    In fact, I think it was the pondering of this very question (avian vs lupine coconut theory) which, 300 years later, inspired a young William of Ockham to formulate his Razor.

    I don’t, however, believe the story that it was a coconut dropped on his head by a passing bird that inspired Newton’s Universal Theory of Gravity in 1687. It would have killed him instantly, like Aeschylus and the tortoise.

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  13. Thrill
    fritzoid Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    That comes from the Early-Modern English conjugation of the verb “to bread”, in the third-person singular case, present leavened tense: I bread, thou breadst, he/she/it breadth. It’s in the KJV Bible somewhere - ”Cast thy bread upon the water [“distribute it widely”], and it breadth, yea verily.”

    Bread does float tolerably well, but only briefly. A nice dense pumpernickle will stay buoyant for maybe half an hour, but your average whitebread will get waterlogged and sink in 10 minutes (15, if you butter each slice on both sides). It’s only been since the invention of plastic wrappers that anyone has survived so much as a channel crossing using bread as a personal floatation device.

    When Ophelia fell from the willow into the brook in Act IV of Hamlet, her sandwiches (tuna salad on whole wheat, extra mayo) did little to keep her from muddy death, but if she’d had a loverly bunch of coconuts she’d be alive today.

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  14. Right here
    Sherlock Watson  almost 14 years ago

    There’s more than one Broomie in the world?! AAAAAUUUUUGGHHHH!!!

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  15. Deficon
    Coyoty Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    I’ve heard her coconuts were very loverly.

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    magnamax  almost 14 years ago

    Coyoty you can go stand in the cprner with Grog and his bow. sheesh Or were you referring to Ophelia? I know cousin Ophelia on the Addams family had quite nice coconuts, indeed.

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  17. Thrill
    fritzoid Premium Member almost 14 years ago

    All the text tells us of Ophelia’s bosom is that it is excellent (to Hamlet’s eyes, anyway) and white. Whether her coconuts are as big as your head, however, depends upon the actress playing the role…

    (In Shakespeare’s day, of course, she would have been played by a boy, in which case her coconuts could be anything the property master’s imagination could manage.)

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