Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 01, 2020
Transcript:
superbowl special guy: gosh i hate football don't you? let's see what else is on. click tv: next on antique roadrage watch as a panel of short-fused, irritable appraisers eruptp in a frenzy of vio-lence when confronted by greedy nobodies bearing broken, dirty personal effects- guy: no. click tv: welcome to chinwag! where we'll address the issues of the day! more issues that anywhere else! social se-curity! liberals! tainted meat! puppy mills! think of any issue & we're all over it like ugly on an ape- guy: no. click tv: today on blue-in-the-face we'll grab the issues by the lapels & shake them silly! hard issues nobody else will touch, like how can orrin hatch's head get an unrestricted blood flow with those stiff collars he wears- click tv: on open mike slapfest our panel of heavyweight insiders is pumped for some extreme action! they'll get those issues in a choke-hold! a suplex! a scissorhold! a kidney-klutch click guy: no. tv: it's a prattle royale today on prattlemania! no issue will leave this building alive! their own mamas won't recognize these issues without their dental records- click guy: gah. tv: on "mystery!" we present a new cozy english who-done-it, inspector brit in murder by anglophilia. tv: dear miss dorkin's head has been sheared clean off her torso by some sort of gardening implement. i've just found it in the bed of aspidistras. how ghastly. guy: ah.
HappyDog/ᵀʳʸ ᴮᵒᶻᵒ ⁴ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘⁿ ᵒᶠ ᶦᵗ Premium Member over 4 years ago
Football can be very relaxing sometimes when you consider the alternatives.
well-i-never over 4 years ago
Dang! I have to find that pair of antique socks I just know are valuable because the guy at the flea market said they were worn by Spencer Tracy in Desk Set.
J Quest over 4 years ago
Violence served with an English accent and a cup of tea…
katzenbooks45 over 4 years ago
I like my violence genteel, and with a scent of lilacs.
Teto85 Premium Member over 4 years ago
What is it about the Brits and murder mysteries?
DCBakerEsq over 4 years ago
Three words for you – Muppet Babies Marathon.
WCraft Premium Member over 4 years ago
Looks like he only gets two channels: Fox and PBS
Sisyphos over 4 years ago
Yup. Absolutely correct. When in doubt, or confronted by a networked gaggle of talk show crap, go for the Brit dra-mer on PBS….