Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for May 20, 2023

Stacey is always hammered these days.

Everyone on Ballard St. knows that Stacey is a tool… or something almost like that.

The hard part is folding it all up and fitting it safely into his pocket for the next introduction.

Hey, and Stacey appears to have all his thumbs in good shape! Not easy with small pieces like that! However, some of those nails don’t appear to have gotten pounded all the way down. I’ll bet he found at least one of them starting to bend a bit, so he backed off.

He can be found down to Miller’s Hardware and the Pucker Packin’ Pickle Plant every Saturday at 2:08 PM. They gave him his own corner and everything. ( it’s just left of the cat litter).

You’ve got to admire those trousers! And the pocket handkerchiefs!

Stacey, I’ll give you $10 and five minutes to pack up your stuff and get out of my store!

If your only tool is a hammer……

Although not the sharpest tool in the shed, Stacey still found his calling…

Pound for pound, he’s the best hammer salesman in the business.

You wooden believe what he charges for those things.

Let’s hope Stacey doesn’t have a speech impediment…

“Now, this is my best craw hammer.”

“Craw hammer?”

“Not craw, craw!” (With a tip-o-the-hat to “Get Smart”)

Dumb as a bag of… wood. ☺

Graduated top of his class, won an award too for using the most nails per letter (MNPL).

The hammer sells itself…Mr. Collins spends his commission on wood……?

Good morning Balladeers.

Ad hoc carpentry demonstrations never caught on. People tend to wander off during the hammering.

Stan is the new host of “HammerTime!” this fall on HGTV.

{Yes, the show’s theme song is “U Can’t Bash This”… )

I hope he has a heck of a commission.

Stacey’s a real double-breasted hammer head.

Stanley Collins won Hammer Super Salesman of the year 12 Years running; and kept on hammering…

If you buy his hammer, Stacey promises to mallet to you for free. Or he might nail it to you, but I don’t recommend that option.