Wrong Hands by John Atkinson for November 15, 2019

Where is Henry Louis Gates?

My tree has illiterate peasant roots and lots of Neanderthal. A drop or two of Denisovans blood and I didn’t have slaves. I am a slav.

it’s good to have pig farmers in the family tree – where do you think your bacon comes from…?

And in my past lives, I was just some bloke that got killed by some dude. Or just died. Or something.

That is one reason why I avoid Ancestry® or 23 and Me.

Somehow, the clown in my family was always called “Cousin IT”.

From what I’ve learned about kings and queens I’d rather have the pig farmers and crazy Aunt Edna.

Except the folks behind the ancestry tracing find it more profitable to gaslight you with royalty over the far more likely village idiots. Actually that’s harsh – just regular folks, hunters, blacksmiths, labourers I mean.

And everyone from anywhere in Europe is descended from Charlemagne

Then there’s the guy that spent $20K to have his family tree researched, and then another $10K to have it kept quiet.

I am a direct descendant from a long live of horse thieves and cattle rustlers on my father’s side of the family. My ancestors came to North America one step ahead of the law. My mother’s family was from the lesser nobility, so they most likely stole horses, cattle and land legally.