Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for April 07, 2020

Sadly it may come to this.

Somewhere there is an internet prankster laughing his or her cheeks off over getting all the rubes to fall for this shortage of joy roll line.

It isn’t mine, but it’s good:

I have run out of toilet paper, and have begun using lettuce leaves.

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

The year 2000 was Y2K. 2020 is Y2-ply.

Something similar happened to me when I went to a local hardware store. One of the employees peeked around the corner of the door, asked me what I wanted, then closed the door to go get it. Payment was done the same way. I felt like I was trying to get a bottle of booze in 1920s Prohibition.

Hopefully it will soon be the death of toilet paper jokes; it was funny for about 2-3 days. Yeah, I’m a curmudgeon, what about it?

It’s more suited for campers but RV toilet paper still does the job.

I went to my local dealer, to see if he could set me straight.

He said, “there’s a little TP goin’, but you’ll have to wait”

Then he offered some red-hot speed and some really high grade hash.

But a roll of Charmin can’t be purchased anywhere, for any amount of cash

I could score you some coke and some grade one grass,

but I can’t buy paper for my @$$

got some downers & speed, all the drugs that you need

but I can’t get no paper for my @$$

there’s no more left to buy or sell, I can’t get a roll of Cottonelle

A roll of TP can’t be purchased anywhere, for any amount of cash

- with apologies to Ray Davies

Stock up when it’s on sale and you want have to go to the black market.

Got any old Sears catalogs lying around ?

Only slightly used.

TP now, TP forever

Before long, the maple leaves in the front yard will come into bloom. And thank god, cause the pine needles and cones from the other tree in the front yard is chafing my butt something fierce.

Double and triple rolls cost extra.

Including, paper towels and tissues?