Lio by Mark Tatulli for April 24, 2020

Stop bathing.

What?

accidentally swallow your drink down the trachea instead of th’esophagus and spew the drink out? I personally don’t think so

Instead of actual barf, you could use makeup to make it look like you are about to.

Have Ishy stand next to you, that should do the trick.

Anti-social distancing works welll, too.

Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t mind staying home alone, without people?

As long as I have my dogs……

I feel like that would spread some germs considering everything that is in his mouth

Ah, the spit-take; a trick right out of the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert book! <3

Wear a military gas mask.

Just say “I’m gonna be sick!” and the crowd should clear a path. (Credit to George Carlin)

During press conferences, Trump’s medical experts should do this every time Trump says something stupid.

Eat shrimp cocktail while wearing a monocle. Dance the Macarena in reverse. Recite Tupac lyrics in a loud, authoritative but nasally tone. Pray aloud to JR. Dobbs. Take as snuff black pepper that has been ground fine with pestle and mortar. Walk around in a giant hamster ball you bought from Alibaba. Poke people with your selfie stick while requesting they take a selfie with you. Eat durian. Play a child’s xylophone while singing nursery rhymes and sobbing.

Just a little cough should keep people away these days.

Wet cleanup on isle three!

This is really weird. Just today I was walking down the sidewalk, when I saw some guy I’ve never seen before standing by the curb. He held up a can of something (didn’t get close enough to see the label) and actually asked me if I wanted to try it! NO, I replied, as I scurried away. I don’t know if HE was crazy, or just thought that I was. (Having seen this cartoon, maybe I should feel lucky he didn’t actually barf, though I wasn’t anywhere near close enough for it to hit me…)

if any extroverts are reading this, i just want to say that life in COVID was hell for me.