Rubes by Leigh Rubin for June 20, 2020

You should have stayed on the omnibus.

In light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. For example, outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

Now, gimme all your food or prepare to bear the pain!

You know how they always sell you “bear spray” and make you wear little bells so you won’t startle the bears? So how do you know when you’re in Grizzly country?

You find bear scat that smells like hot peppers and it’s full of little bells.

Speak softly and carry a large caliber pistol.

When they said bear scat, I thought for sure the bear was going to say, “Scooby, dooby, dat, dat.”

Must be one of Wiley’s bear cousins.

Wiley bears are moonlighting.

Be careful! Or you’ll really find out if a bear $#!+s in the woods!!!

Being omnivorous he’ll likely eat some berries with your thigh.

Those are just the bear facts- stick around! :>)