Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen for September 13, 2020

Keep one foot on the floor and you’ll cut your weight in half.

Why bother?

You need to “brace” yourself for balance.

I always weigh 5 pounds more at the doctors office. His scale is wrong ;)

pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

Put it on the rug. It will knock off a few pounds.

Looks like a skateboard.

Set the scale to kilos and you’ll weigh much less.

My wife has her own scale. It’s part of her workplace’s wellness program and reports her weight to her app, so I can’t use it.

The law of gravity wins again.

Our loophole is that we have never had a scale in our home. My wife and I both know if we have gained weight, we don’t need a scale to say how much and when we lose it again we know that we are back to where we want to be without having a scale hanging over our heads.

Shave your arms and legs. You might shave off (ha!) a pound.

Unfortunately, the scale at the truck stop tells the damn truth!

Put you heels together so your feet form a V. For most household bathroom scales, that will shave 3 to 4 pounds off.

Uh oh…Pandemic pounds!

Book a ride on the vomit comet and bring your scale with you.

It’s easy to make scales lie. Won’t make you an ounce lighter, though.