Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 07, 2020

That’s not very Prudential of you, Pig.

I just dig a home and lie in it.

Sick? That is not an authorized activity.

you give odd answers, Pig

Don’t ever have surgery, dudes. Like, don’t even ever get a colonoscopy. (I hope I don’t get banned for writing “colonoscopy”. Poopie!)

Q: “What does your grandfather do?”

A: “My grandfather is dead.”

Q: “Oh, sorry. What did he do before he died?”

A: “He went EEARRGGHHH!!!”

(Stolen from Bobcat Goldthwait, I think)

Just yesterday Pig reserved Thursdays for worrying about losing his healthcare. No doubt fewer worries helps ones health.

Goat is an abstract thinker; Pig is a literalist, and never the Twain shall meet (except here, where the swine wear pearls)!.

Goat: “Do you & Rat have health insurance?” What? Rat & Pig are a Couple?

I didn’t think pork came with insurance anyway.

Ask a silly question…

Pig and Rat both need mental health insurance.

Just yesterday Pig said he spends Thursdays worrying about losing his healthcare. If he doesn’t have health insurance, however, what, exactly, is he worrying about on Thursdays?

Ohhhhhh brother! PIG is such a twit! He’ll never GET IT!

Rat’s ancestors carried the plague.

what do you mean health insurance, do you want the country to become Russia and let the socialists win?

Sneezing when you get IBS is an odd symptom. And inconvenient.

Or vomit or…

I had to have surgery because of a botched colonoscopy. True story.

“Peter, Paul and Mary” cut a record deal with a Japanese firm. One of the party sneezed and Paul said “Gesundheit”. Through translators, the Japanese CEO asked what that meant. “It’s what you say when someone sneezes. Don’t you say something after a sneeze?” The answer came back through the translator, “We say, ‘excuse me’.”

At least you girls don’t need a prostate exam. Every time I see somebody wearing rubber gloves I think of that procedure.

While at the Pick-N-Save deli the other day, the young man on the far side of the counter sneezed into his mask. I said, “Warning-Warning, it’s no longer legal to sneeze.” He gave me a look, then proceeded to remove his rubber gloves and mask, sterilize his hands, and put on a clean mask and pair of gloves. Please watch the Sussex, WI Obits for a 77+ guy.

Doctors are just shamans with better PR.

Well, I guess if you didn’t have health insurance, but you do have car insurance you could just crash your car into a tree when you get sick.

And you give odd answers, Pig. That’s part of your appeal!

He needs to get cured