Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 25, 2021

I guess that crying on the envelope flap is more hygienic than licking it.

She used his love letters to line the bottom of the cage in which she kept her titmice.

SWATD…she couldn’t get past the seal.

Later though she tossed ii in the trash compactor.

He claimed his sperm bank number was 164. But he was hung like a horse.

Pining for the unrequited. Is this the Froglandian lame wailing wall? Well, we all know what pining for the fjords leads to…

Gasp! He’s “on the edge”! If she doesn’t answer this letter, # 367th, he doesn’t know what he’ll do! His hands are shot, from all the writing, and he’s written his last one. The pens at her desk now….

An excerpt from Tye D Knotts latest novel, “THE CLIFFS OF ANTWERP”! This and other love stories can be had at the Froglandia Bathmat Factory! A book signing will be Saturday, 2-4. Bring a friend to hear a short readying of Knotts’ take on his story…

If this was letter number “cube root of e,” he might have a shot.

well as long as it is in his pocket it will never get answered

But oh what kind of love is this, that goes from bad to worse?

Love Letters in the Sanskrit!

Get rid of the hat, mister, and she might look at you in a new way.

Guess he’s really hooked on her … CaFfEiNe …!

she was major league … he was minor league … he needs a better curve ball in his command.

I have a s̶e̶c̶r̶e̶t̶a̶r̶y̶ legal assistant who does that for me.

She has a mailroom that does that for her.

The mailroom has a machine that does it for everybody.

She won’t let him. He wrote a let her.

Take no for an answer. It’s the nicest thing you can do for her. It’s also why nice guys seem to breed less while they keep breeding more bleepity bleeping bleep bleeps.

Now my broken heart aches

With every wave that breaks

Over love letters in the sand

I can attest to the pain of unrequited love. For me, it was Jennifer McGivens in sixth grade. I poured my heart out to her over and over with songs, letters, and drawings. She crushed each attempt to woo her with enough indifference to break my concentration for the rest of the day. Once, to show her how much I cared for her I purposely made an F on my spelling test. Instead of numbering my paper from 1 to 15 and writing the words dictated by Mrs. Bailey, I wrote Jennifer 15 times. Instead of being impressed, she acted like it was the dumbest thing anyone could ever do. To this day, I still think it was pretty romantic.

1. Jennifer

2. Jennifer

3. Jennifer

4. Jennifer

5. Jennifer

6. Jennifer

7. Jennifer

8. Jennifer

9. Jennifer

10. Jennifer

11. Jennifer

12. Jennifer

13. Jennifer

14. Jennifer

15. Jennifer

No, of course not!

This is the origin of MacHeath, Mackie Messer. Nur ein Taschenmesser hat MacHeath, Buben, und er halt es aus der Sicht. The teary letter in one pocket, the knife in the other.

https://tinyurl.com/yjj3bcq2

Things haven’t been the same since Cliff Ditto managed at Walla Walla. (From ’73 to ’78. They won the Northwest League championship twice, in ’73 and ’76.)