Scary Gary by Mark Buford for August 23, 2021

Scary Gary, vol I: From the Middle Ages to Middle Age

Are you sure it was mustard?

Go for it, Gary. Call it, “This Book Right Here: The Cure for Insomnia.”

Nope! Start at the beginning Gary! 700 years ago….

Its been done and better by Anne Rice. She covered decades, sometimes centuries, by having LeStat lay dormant in a grave regenerating from a bout with fire or the sun.

It’s time to admit it, you’ve gone soft.

Well, from the looks of the first sentence, this book has nowhere to go but up! (Actually: it could easily remain right there at zero.)

Seems like he had a boring life it, but it just couldn’t have been. He just needs a ghost writer to help him along. Might just have one hanging around close by……

I didn’t think a vampire story could get any worse than Twilight, but I think any sales of this tome will be due primarily to the need for a doorstop.

Isn’t that cute???!!!!!!!!! Gary’s on FaceBook!!!!!!!!!! :)

The very pants he was returning….

It ain’t what you do it’s the way how ja do it.

For the last few hundred of those years, since Gary emigrated from the Old Country, he hasn’t partaken of human blood. No wonder he’s lethargic, dull, and slow. Plus, he’s let his body go to pot.

Scary Gary is a disgrace to honest, hard-working bloodsuckers everywhere!