The picture is based on a letter to Carolyn Hax, which read:
Out of nowhere, my sibling informed our family that he has been very unhappy in his marriage of almost 20 years and wants a divorce. Our family is reeling, and we’re all at a loss in how to handle it. His wife is a lovely person and they have children, which is making this even harder.
We love him, but are also angry at him for choosing this because, from our perspective, his reasons don’t seem acute enough to end a marriage. Additionally, I find myself handling my parents’ feelings, as they are extremely hurt and angry about it. This is a burden on me. I am also angry and upset but have closed off that area because it’s almost too much to emotionally manage.
I’m staying supportive of both parties and hoping they are willing to attend counseling. But I’m also fearing the worst and know I will have to help pick up the pieces of whatever happens.
Do you have any advice on how parents and siblings of those going through separation and/or divorce should act?
Ms. Hax’s response began with the words: Act as if it wasn’t “out of nowhere” for him.
Act as if it is not your marriage, or divorce, to judge.
Act as if your most compassionate role is to play no role at all.
When you say his reasons “don’t seem acute enough,” you’re declaring yourself qualified to judge this. But you aren’t. No one is if they don’t wake up in this marriage personally every day.
FassEddie over 2 years ago
Shock and awwwwww.
willie_mctell over 2 years ago
Why are they holding hands?
NWdryad over 2 years ago
I remember when I left my first husband, I was terrified to tell my parents because they liked him so much. But they didn’t have to live with him.
DHBirr over 2 years ago
The picture is based on a letter to Carolyn Hax, which read:
Out of nowhere, my sibling informed our family that he has been very unhappy in his marriage of almost 20 years and wants a divorce. Our family is reeling, and we’re all at a loss in how to handle it. His wife is a lovely person and they have children, which is making this even harder.
We love him, but are also angry at him for choosing this because, from our perspective, his reasons don’t seem acute enough to end a marriage. Additionally, I find myself handling my parents’ feelings, as they are extremely hurt and angry about it. This is a burden on me. I am also angry and upset but have closed off that area because it’s almost too much to emotionally manage.
I’m staying supportive of both parties and hoping they are willing to attend counseling. But I’m also fearing the worst and know I will have to help pick up the pieces of whatever happens.
Do you have any advice on how parents and siblings of those going through separation and/or divorce should act?
Ms. Hax’s response began with the words: Act as if it wasn’t “out of nowhere” for him.
Act as if it is not your marriage, or divorce, to judge.
Act as if your most compassionate role is to play no role at all.
When you say his reasons “don’t seem acute enough,” you’re declaring yourself qualified to judge this. But you aren’t. No one is if they don’t wake up in this marriage personally every day.
You do not know how it feels to be your brother.