Close to Home by John McPherson for June 07, 2022

Your dad wants you to become an old maid.

No need to go to that much trouble, just be sure to be cleaning your shotgun when your daughter brings her date in to meet you.

He could rent the inquisition mountain to his other dad friends and turn a tidey prophet

The $64.00 question is…is daddy’s little girl worth it?

Mission accomplished.

I wanna date your daughter because she’s cute.

To freak out or sacrifice you mean…..

Funny, that’s pretty much exactly what I saw when my first girlfriends Dad invited me to sit on the couch. …next to him.

The wise ass on the mount?

I never had a dad do that. I always ended up with the dads who said “Finally, we got someone to date Becky”.

This is not the comic strip of beautiful people !

For my own sanity, whenever my daughter brings home a guy, I try not to remember my own mindset when I was a young man trying to “date” girls. Fortunately, she has older me as an example and not younger me so she chooses well.

Trivial Factoid:

Almost everybody has their own version of this delicacy and it is truly one of the great comfort foods of all time. And here’s a fact for you: some three-quarters of Americans make at least one a month. While similar recipes are mentioned in ancient Roman texts, today’s notion of the delicacy is commonly traced back to the 1920’s when the bread slicer was invented, making bread distribution easy and affordable. That delicacy is known as the Grilled Squeeze Sand Wedge.

—your friends at AutoCorrect

I have a friend that is a retired E-8 from the Air Force. His daughter told me that when she brought a boy home he basically had to stand for uniform inspection. Take off that hat in the house, pull up your pants, clean and tie those shoes, and the next time I see you, you will have shaved!

Well sir, to begin with…on second thought…actually…I have no idea?

Too much trouble. My future father-in-law only needed to leave a shotgun and length of rope by the front door.

I guess he never wants her to leave the nest.

Close Encounters of the paternal kind

Veterinarian friend of ours used to sit the boys down and remind them that he “neuters things for a living”

I think Rebecca would be perfectly capable of freaking guys out on her own!

I think the “threatening dad” trope needs an update. How about, “Hi, I’m ___’s Dad and I know how to see everything you post on TikTok”?

Is that where he cleans his guns?

Musician Barry White would intimidate any guy who wanted to date HIS daughter.