Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for January 17, 2023

if you managed to get one, please let me know

I have difficulty beleafing she’d have very many people wanting to be around her

Blow the leaves from her family tree.

Leaf blowers are loud and obnoxious.

Since Aunty is so verbally windy, loud as a drunken sailor, you’d think she would have a high-powered leaf blower named after her. The ad would use the old sea shanty, “Blow the Man Down.”

[Verse 1]

Come all you young fellows who follow the sea

(Wey hey, blow the man down)

 And pray pay attention and listen to me

(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

.

[Verse 2]

I’m a hard-drinking lady so don’t get me wrong

(Wey hey, blow the man down)

If you buy me a drink, then I’ll sing you a song

(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

That would be a “leaf-me-alone” blower.

Dear Aunty, Flame throwers are legal in this state.

Aunty you don’t need a leaf blower, you need to go inside, shut the door and sit down. Problem Solved.

Kinky

Just use a rake, Auntie.

When Aunty was young and hotter there was no shortage of rakes hanging around, but now that she’s older, a good rake is hard to find.

You want to blow people?

the old blowhard needs a hard blower?

⁽ ʷᶦⁿᵈᵇᵃᵍ ⁾

not gonna touch this one… ☺

A people blower reminds me of that scene in Flying High