Pickles by Brian Crane for August 18, 2022

Just as delusional as Opal

Some humor writer used to joke about women having all non-essential body parts removed before weigh-ins.

why would you weigh your shaved whiskers?

We have two scales, both inexpensive. One reads about 2.5 lbs heavier than the other. I have no idea which (if either) is more accurate. Guess which one we both prefer!

In the last several years my weight has gone down but my waistline has gotten bigger. Dang it!

My brother rinsed dad’s razor in the toilet.

Always something or somebody else’s fault.

Weighing yourself naked doesn’t always help enough either.

Earl is a Wry Guy with a Dry sense of humor. Opal must sometimes wonder, “WHY did I marry him?”

He should have taken off his glasses, too, then he could misread the scale to his advantage. And has Opal dusted in there, lately?

The worst is when you weigh yourself a second time to double check and it goes up 1.5 lbs.

Old Spice Earl?

That only works with a guy with a HEAVY beard Earl!

Earl time to have a Diet Soda Pop ;-)

Sure, Earl…blame the aftershave!

It’s good to have a straight man:

Me to SO: I just weighed myself. I weigh (mumble) with my glasses on.

SO: What do you weigh without your glasses?

Me: I don’t know. I can’t see the numbers.

I know an alcoholic neighbor who cut himself shaving and bled so bad that he finally got the red out of them.

Now, tomorrow let’s see Earl hovering behind Opal when she plants her bulky frame on the scale. I’m sure she’ll be amused by Earl’s light hearted observations when the scale explodes.

In P3, he may be overweight, but doesn’t look that bad for his age.

Yeah……. sure……. BLAME the cologne

Perhaps a really good bowel movement, if Earl can have one.

Weight shifts. Here, there and everywhere!

Yeah, I do that (the shaving; haven’t worn aftershave since I was a teenager).

My contents have shifted due to shipping/handling

Our scale shows your weight in both kilos and pounds. I’ve always felt that 100 kilos sounded so much better than 220 lbs!

covid got 66 pounds off of me in last two years!

Still wear the same size I did at 390 lbs and I’m 310 lbs. Go figure.

I’m surprised he’s weighing himself with his clothes on… must be a couple of pounds at least

Before I got hurt, I found what my weight was I was so happy I was down maybe 14 to 15 less on pounds, now not so sure, yet sure my weight back up. I have cut way back on food. For maybe small snack teaspoon say of peanut butter. Still half of reduced sugar bread with 2 slices of turkey with lettuce. I have my breakfast first flavored oatmeal. Dinner time is just as lite. Rarely do I feel empty. Be long time before I weigh. I miss not going outside to walk. Yet really miss my stay indoor fit skier I had good 20 minutes work out. I have gazelle which I am waiting on, now I cannot use that until healed. Phooey. I know Earl never do exercise.

You need to remove the glasses! I bet they weigh 0.000189 tons!

Okay, now its Opal’s turn.

Want to lose weight? You have to eat less and exercise more. MUCH easier said then done.

Sometimes I think my digital scale is lying to me. It will give the exact same weight several days in a row.

Yesterday, I had my bi-annual checkup at the VA. I found out I’ve lost 14 lbs since last August and I was trying to lose it. I haven’t been this weight since the 90s. UGH!