Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for November 22, 2008

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times U.S. To Bail Out Federal Government INSPIRING CONFIDENCE The federal government, operating now at a ballooning $1 trillion deficit, is deeply insolvent and urgently requires a bailout from the federal government, said treasury secretary Henry Paulson. Henry: We'll structure an option purchase...no, wait...issue provisional convertible loans... Aw, hell, who'm I kidding? We're just gonna throw money around. The bailout is necessitated by the U.S.'s costly industry rescues, bailouts and stimulus plans. Man: Gold Pogo Sticks, Inc Man: Sign here. Or don't. BAIL OUTS STATE YOUR INDISPENSABLE INDUSTRY BAILOUTS $ Man: Hurry up! I've got a morale-boosting meeting in Maui! Critics say that the U.S. bailing itself out doesn't make a lick of sense, but Paulson is adamant. Henry: This is no time to talk about making sense! Irrationally tossing money around is all we've got! U.S. TREASURY U.S. TREASURY Even though the need to bail out the U.S. was caused by the outgoing management team's incompetence, it is said to be "too big to fail." George W. Bush: See? So, I DIDN'T fail! Now we'll see what the market will bear for my presidential liberry! Fortunately, the Treasury Department has a PLAN in case the self-bailout program doesn't work. Henry: We'll bail out the BAILOUT. Man: Where does this go? Man #2: Stimulate it out the window. TO INVESTMENT BANKS TO INSURANCE COMPANIES