Tank McNamara by Bill Hinds for February 18, 2023

In his garage next to his car. Where have I heard that before?

I thought Latrell Sprewell showed up, too.

sort of like these actors who actually showed up to receive their Razzie awards…https://bestlifeonline.com/stars-razzies-in-person-news/#:~:text=6%20Stars%20Who%27ve%20Accepted%20Their%20%22Worst%20Actor%22%20Razzies,of%20Grey%20Photo%20by%20Mike%20Coppola%2FGetty%20Images%20

Everyone knows the most secure place to store something is in a garage next to a car. Especially a Corvette.

Tank might as well be the winner, based on that attitude.

Lefty’s name wasn’t mentioned. Fear of lawsuit, probably. (Backed by Saudi $$$)

Couldn’t be safer!

He should keep it in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnell’s porch!

you are the best tank.

V-Con, Vancouver BC’s annual (except recently) science fiction & fantasy convention, had a tradition of awarding the Elron Award (avowedly not named for the highly litigious and possibly dead Mr L. Ron Hubbard) for distinguished negative achievement in the field. One consistent winner was philosophy professor John Norman, author of the detestable sexist Gor series of sword-and-sexual-slavery novels. The Elron winners seldom appear to accept the awards (generally a gold-painted plastic lemon screwed to a cellulose base, which is often a Gor novel)—in fact, most of them aren’t even aware that they’ve won—and usually a random member of the audience is asked to accept the award on the winner’s behalf. (I have two such.)

One year, in a Compuserve SF&F forum, I mentioned that the winner that year had been a female writer (whom I had never read and whose name I’ve forgotten), for “Worst Gor novel not written by John Norman.” Somebody else in the forum said something like, “Actually, I’m a friend of hers, and I told her, and she said that, if she won an award, even if it’s a gag, she’d like to have it.” I don’t think that we were able to track down the audience member who accepted on her behalf, so she never actually got it.

Assuming his car hasn’t been stolen.