Wizard of Id by Parker and Hart for April 25, 2023

Levity is good for the soul

Wish I could do that at doctors’ offices. Those people are so obsessed with my weight! Even if I have 3 appointments in one week, they want to weigh me every time. So I get 3 different weights that week.

They are checking gravity I think.

Saw a tick toc of a lady of “Fluffy” size on a scale, then lay on her back with legs pointing up and put the scale on her feet. Seemed to get the reading she was looking for…..

Looks like he’s levitating the fronts of Blanche’s shoes.

Well, the last time I was weighed I was at 18 stone even.

That’s cheating, Wiz!

As I predicted yesterday, Blanche soon recovered and is back to normal.

No levitation allowed, then I’ll just turn back the dial to a weight that suits me. Yip yip yip yip yip

Fat mom: hmph let’s go somewhere they appreciate us better

Al Bundy: You could try the moon. You’ll weigh less

She unhovered his plot.

The truth can somtimes hurt, Wiz.

I hate it when the nurse weighs me fully dressed and in boots and then writes it down as my weight. Then the Dr tells me I need to lose a few pounds.

Wish I could levitate off 20 pounds at the doctor’s office.

I’ve learned that one can lower your blood pressure by doing heavy breathing before and during the BP test. It almost seems like cheating.

…and there it is….his watchdog, er his wife Blanche!

Spoilsport!

I stand with one foot on the scale and one on the floor, then lean left and right to get the weight I want. But if I could levitate it would be much easier. Make my doctor happier too.

My doctor will ask me my weight and I tell him what I weighed that morning. He agrees it’s the most accurate and consistent method. I have another doctor who always did the same, but he got a new staff member, I think, who demanded rather rudely that I get on the scale. She told me to take my shoes off (since it’s already inaccurate, I leave on shoes, coat, hat, whatever, including sometimes holding a purse and book). I said I wasn’t putting my bare feet (I was wearing sandals) on a scale that might have someone else’s foot sweat, or worse, on it. She then insisted on getting out a blue pad and wrapped the scale part where I put my feet. Then she demanded to measure my height and jammed it tight into my migraine brain. By the time I saw that doctor I was about to tell him I was going to change doctors due to his staff. If she’s there next time, he and I are going to have a chat.

I always thought they need to know our weight because they calculate dosage of meds by weight. What a light weight needs would not be what a heavy weight needs, and vice versa.