Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for April 25, 2024

Sergeant Pepper

I worked at a sandwich store in the early 1990s. The store did their own deliveries. An Army base was close by, and they were the majority of deliveries. We had this one regular guy who always had the same complaint.

Caller: “I didn’t get enough jalapeños!”

The next time he ordered, we put in one-and-a-half times the usual jalapeños without charging extra.

Caller: “You guys are either stupid or cheap! I still didn’t get enough jalapeños!”

After a few more complaints and rude words, I made his next order by pouring some of the jalapeño juice and tons of seeds from the jalapeño bin onto the bread.

The following week:

Caller: “Go light on jalapeños.”

Morning, Aciders!

I tried. They shut ME up.

That’s not bad advice, actually.

They snickered until I brought out the ball gags.

Is that “Robert’s Rules Of Order,” Aunty Acid Edition?

I did, Aunty. But they put it to a vote, and the Nays won! :(

Almost all the decisions I make in my head are split decisions.

Drunk Aunty couldn’t tell it was the Holy Spirit speaking to her. Sad.

Okay, Aunty. I don’t know if the committee will listen, though.

Aunty, you have now started and argument amongst all the voices in my head.

Aunty, the only negative voice in my head is you so………………………………SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE HE!! UP!

Were not on speaking terms anymore.

I do try Auntie. Sometimes the long terms effect of being verbal abused are not easily undone.

Right brain seems to have took over …..AGAIN!!!!!