Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for April 02, 2024

and come back before the tick of 12:00

Lobbying To Stay Safe NOT my story

I am starting my shift as a night auditor at my hotel in downtown Chicago. About half an hour into my shift, I get a call from a panicked-sounding woman.

Caller: “Hi! I know this isn’t your usual request, but my son and his friend have finished attending an event downtown, and their ride has let them down last minute! Home is [Town too far away to walk], and I’m not in a position where I can come and get them. They just missed the last train out!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I think I understand. But please try to talk slower and take a breath so I can follow along.”

Caller: “Yes! Sorry! I’ve checked every hotel website I can think of, but every room is booked due to [Event], even yours!”

Me: “Yes, that is the case, I’m afraid.”

Caller: “Please, please, please, can they sit in your lobby? Just until the first buses run? I can’t stand the thought of them wandering the streets in the dark and cold all night!”

Morally, I can’t let a child be sat outside in the cold in an unfamiliar city; it’s dangerous, and if anything happened, I’d never forgive myself. So, against all of my hotel rules:

Me: “Send them over, ma’am. They’re welcome to sit in the lobby in the warm.”

Caller: “Oh, my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! They’re just around the corner! There are two of them, and his name is [Son]. Thank you! You’re a lifesaver!”

I let the teens sit in the lobby, and they were the nicest and politest guests I had had all day! They even insisted on helping me clean and set up the morning coffee. We had great conversations until 5:00 am when the first buses ran.

I’m now friends with [Son] on Facebook, and he just started college this year!

Indeed.

That would be a drag for me.

Is that how “evil stepsisters” behave these days? Maybe “sardonic” is better?

Auntie shoe-ts her mouth off again.

Breaking through the glass slipper.

With Aunty, that would be a combat boot.

If any advise you hear doesn’t apply to you, don’t apply it to yourself.

If the shoe doesn’t fit don’t put it on. (Don’t even try to put it on.)

What’s fun is when they just know you meant them…

Methinks Aunty just drank a bottle of champagne out of that slipper

Aunty, no one wants to put on a stinky shoe that has been stuck on your foot all of these years.

…..and that narrows it down!!!!!

Exactly, Aunty!

Pee-wee Herman did that.

Not my preferred method of torture.

surely you must be thinking of somebody in particular when you make these snide comments. or maybe you’re just aiming them at people in general. oh, wait…

☺