Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for June 25, 2024

ooooh yeah

Doing A Disservice To Service Animals, Part 12

Our store doesn’t allow pets, but we’ve noticed some customers will buy fake service dog vests, place them on their pugs, and claim they’re service animals. We’d given up caring (minimum wage, yay) — until this happened.

The customer’s “service pug” lunges at another customer’s ACTUAL service dog, who only backs up two steps and sits down looking at their owner for direction.

I ask my boss LOUDLY SO THE CUSTOMER CAN HEAR:

Me: “So, what happens when a fake service dog harms an actual service dog? Does that come back on the store as a liability?”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “Excuse me! How dare you imply my service dog is fake?!”

Real Service Dog Customer: “B****, I’m legally blind, and even I can tell your dog is an inbred snarling little s***. Get it away from me and my actual service animal!”

Fake Service Dog Customer: To my manager “What are you going to do about this?!”

Manager: “I’ll ask both of you to present your dog’s certificates to prove they are actual service dogs.”

Real Service Dog Customer: “Mine are contained in the pouch inside my dog’s vest.”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “Mine… uh… are in the car.”

Manager: “Then please go get them. You won’t be allowed back in without them.”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “This is discrimination!”

Manager: “Discrimination against who, ma’am?”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “Against people with service animals!”

Manager: “Certified service animals are welcome here by law.”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “Then you’re discriminating against uncertified service animals!”

Manager: “That would just make them animals, and yes, we do most certainly discriminate against those.”

Fake Service Dog Customer: “See?! I knew it! Discrimination!”

Real Service Dog Customer: “Just leave, lady! It’s obvious your dog isn’t supposed to be in here!”

Contd

True. I’d say start with politicians.

“Lock him up!”

That muzzle may keep him from biting.

But most humans need a muzzle to keep them from talking.

Aunty hasn’t looked in the mirror.

One’s first responsibility is for the needs of one’s own family and friends. Charity begins at home.

And Aunty, YOU are one of them.

Is there a big enough muzzle to fit Aunty’s mouth? Not likely.

So can I, Aunty.

So where’s yours?

I tend to agree we need to muzzle humans.