Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for May 17, 2024

Karma So Obvious A Kid Would Understand

I work in a coffee place inside a big box store. I’ve just served a drink to a father and his young son, maybe five years old or so. The boy gets his chocolate and runs off with it. His father calls after him:

Father: “Don’t run, [Boy]!”

Of course, as five-year-old boys tend to do, he trips up and falls to the ground. He seems fine, but his drink has spilled everywhere. He catches us staring and starts to cry, mostly out of embarrassment. The boy’s father is kind but stern, checking his son for any injury.

Father: “This is why I said not to run, [Boy]. Now look what you did to the drink that the nice lady made for you.”

Me: Coming by to clean up the spill “Oh, well, accidents happen! If it’s okay with you, I can get him a replacement.”

Before the father can respond, another customer whom I just finished serving decides to join in the conversation.

Customer: “Kids are never gonna learn if y’all keep running in to kiss it all better and fix their mistakes for them.”

The customer makes one more smug look of self-congratulation, turns around, and walks smack-bang into a pillar next to the checkouts. Their coffee goes all over themselves and the pillar, drenches their sandwich, and ends up on the floor.

The customer stares at me, at the parent and child, and then back at me again as we all stare at them.

Customer: “Any chance I could…”

Staring intensifies.

Customer: Walking away “…yeah, yeah, I get it. Good one, universe…”

NOT my story.

i call this a good bargain

“Marriage is a three-ring circus. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.”

I’d rather have the onion rings.

I’m sorry but “I’m just sat here”?

Shouldn’t it be …. and I’m just SITTING here with my onion rings!

Y’all need a bunch of donuts. They’re holy too.

But they are better with Ranch Dressing.

The Grammar Police are on full patrol here today

Sitting. Not sat.

Frankly, I PREFER onion rings to engagement rings: no strings attached. . .

Well considering that you are already married, what do you expect, unless you are a money grubbing biggimist.

My late husband shoveled snow for a whole winter to earn money for my engagement ring. To me, it’s priceless because it was a labour of love for him.

They are much cheaper………….

Isn’t Aunty Acid already married? Why would she need a new engagement ring?

That’s a lot of onion rings!!!

Back to grammar class.

Started out as sitting. Not enough room so “sat”

You’ve got the better end of the deal

The onion rings are way cheaper in the long run, Aunty.

So all this time you’ve been living in sin with Walt?

I think you are better off.

I’ll stick with the onion rings, thanks. I don’t have the energy for a Significant Other – I’m high-maintenance enough all by myself!

Trust me, you’re getting better deal. Besides, aren’t you married? And by the way, you’re under arrest for poor grammar.