I work in a grocery store, but like a super bougie one that sells organic stuff and expensive volcanic mineral water. We also sell other branded items. A couple place their basket at my checkout lane.
Customer: “Does your food contain preservatives or artificial colors?”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “Honey, you have a blue Mountain Dew in your basket. You think they just squeeze parts of the mountain and bottle up whatever comes out?”
At This Rate I’m Just Going To Give An Acknowledging Grunt
I work in a tiny convenience store. Since it’s always so close quarters between me and the customer I usually say a polite greeting when they come into the store:
Me: “Morning!”
Customer: “Don’t you mean “good morning”? Or do you not want your customers to have good mornings?”
Me: “Well, I used to say “good morning,” but then every other customer would say “What’s so good about it?!” and moan at me, so I shortened it to just “morning”.”
Customer: “…oh.”
Me: “So congrats on being the first customer to be offended by me saying a single word!”
The customer looked a little embarrassed, bought their item, and left in a hurry.
I love my manager as she takes no BS from customers and always knows how to deal with customers who try to cause a scene. She also regularly works the checkouts with us when we’re busy, so she’s usually in the “trenches” with us.
A customer has pulled a full cart into my manager’s lane. Bear in mind this customer did not have to wait in line.
Customer: Angrily to my manager. “I have somewhere to be in ten minutes! What’s the hold-up?!”
Manager: “Nothing! You shopped around until right before you needed to be somewhere else, so now you’re running late.”
Customer: “I… that’s not what I meant!” Stews quietly for the rest of the transaction.
These three high schoolers came into the pizza place I served a few years ago. They were loud, obnoxious, and very keen to be noticed. This led to me watching them like a hawk to make sure they don’t damage anything. Well, come time to pay, the guy paying “realizes” he “forgot his card in his car”. Two of them go to retrieve the card, and the third goes to go to the bathroom.
At the back of the store.
Right next to the rear exit.
I’m not stupid. I go to my manager and tell him these jerks are trying to pull one over and dine and dash. We both keep an eye out towards the back, and you can see this third kid trying to find the right time to leave. He’s hiding by the bathrooms, texting his friends, and starting to look really nervous because we aren’t letting up. There aren’t any other customers at this point, so it isn’t like we have anything else to do.
The kid left in the store comes back to his seat eventually and mumbles something about not knowing where the h*** his friends are.
After about thirty minutes from the time they left the store, the other two come back, looking super annoyed, and actually pay. They said they parked far away.
I’m a lifeguard at a beach from where Catalina Island is clearly visible around twenty miles away. Without fail, I get asked this at least once per season:
Tourist: “Is that Hawaii?”
My coworker has had enough of this and likes to have some fun with them:
Coworker: “No, that’s Japan.”
Tourist: “Oh, wow! Really?!”
Coworker: “Yeah, that’s how they got to Pearl Harbor so easily.”
A week later:
Tourist: “Is that Hawaii?”
Coworker: “No, it’s—”
Tourist’s Friend: “No, stupid! It’s Australia!”
Tourist: “Oh yeah… of course!”
Coworker: To me. “Okay… I can’t out-stupid that one. That one short-circuited me!”
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
What Dew You Think?
I work in a grocery store, but like a super bougie one that sells organic stuff and expensive volcanic mineral water. We also sell other branded items. A couple place their basket at my checkout lane.
Customer: “Does your food contain preservatives or artificial colors?”
Customer’s Girlfriend: “Honey, you have a blue Mountain Dew in your basket. You think they just squeeze parts of the mountain and bottle up whatever comes out?”
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
At This Rate I’m Just Going To Give An Acknowledging Grunt
I work in a tiny convenience store. Since it’s always so close quarters between me and the customer I usually say a polite greeting when they come into the store:
Me: “Morning!”
Customer: “Don’t you mean “good morning”? Or do you not want your customers to have good mornings?”
Me: “Well, I used to say “good morning,” but then every other customer would say “What’s so good about it?!” and moan at me, so I shortened it to just “morning”.”
Customer: “…oh.”
Me: “So congrats on being the first customer to be offended by me saying a single word!”
The customer looked a little embarrassed, bought their item, and left in a hurry.
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
Owned By The Not-Owner
I work in a frozen yogurt place and a customer has just tried to get their order for half price.
Customer: “It’s okay, it’s a friends and family discount. I know the owner.”
Me: “Me too! What’s their name?”
Customer: “I don’t need to tell you his name to prove anything.”
Me: “Don’t you mean her name?”
Customer: “…”
Me: “That will be [full price], please?”
The customer paid. The owner actually is a guy! Also, there is no “friends and family discount.”
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
A Lack Of Planning On Your Part…, Part 5
I love my manager as she takes no BS from customers and always knows how to deal with customers who try to cause a scene. She also regularly works the checkouts with us when we’re busy, so she’s usually in the “trenches” with us.
A customer has pulled a full cart into my manager’s lane. Bear in mind this customer did not have to wait in line.
Customer: Angrily to my manager. “I have somewhere to be in ten minutes! What’s the hold-up?!”
Manager: “Nothing! You shopped around until right before you needed to be somewhere else, so now you’re running late.”
Customer: “I… that’s not what I meant!” Stews quietly for the rest of the transaction.
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
Someone Didn’t Hash Out The Dash Out
These three high schoolers came into the pizza place I served a few years ago. They were loud, obnoxious, and very keen to be noticed. This led to me watching them like a hawk to make sure they don’t damage anything. Well, come time to pay, the guy paying “realizes” he “forgot his card in his car”. Two of them go to retrieve the card, and the third goes to go to the bathroom.
At the back of the store.
Right next to the rear exit.
I’m not stupid. I go to my manager and tell him these jerks are trying to pull one over and dine and dash. We both keep an eye out towards the back, and you can see this third kid trying to find the right time to leave. He’s hiding by the bathrooms, texting his friends, and starting to look really nervous because we aren’t letting up. There aren’t any other customers at this point, so it isn’t like we have anything else to do.
The kid left in the store comes back to his seat eventually and mumbles something about not knowing where the h*** his friends are.
After about thirty minutes from the time they left the store, the other two come back, looking super annoyed, and actually pay. They said they parked far away.
Yakety Sax 25 days ago
Flat Earthers Go To The Beach, Part 2
I’m a lifeguard at a beach from where Catalina Island is clearly visible around twenty miles away. Without fail, I get asked this at least once per season:
Tourist: “Is that Hawaii?”
My coworker has had enough of this and likes to have some fun with them:
Coworker: “No, that’s Japan.”
Tourist: “Oh, wow! Really?!”
Coworker: “Yeah, that’s how they got to Pearl Harbor so easily.”
A week later:
Tourist: “Is that Hawaii?”
Coworker: “No, it’s—”
Tourist’s Friend: “No, stupid! It’s Australia!”
Tourist: “Oh yeah… of course!”
Coworker: To me. “Okay… I can’t out-stupid that one. That one short-circuited me!”
rekam Premium Member 25 days ago
Thanks, Yakety. Enjoyed all of these.
FreyjaRN Premium Member 25 days ago
Aunty just described fibromyalgia.
TStyle78 25 days ago
Quite the conundrum.
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member 25 days ago
Hear Hear!
sbenton7684 25 days ago
Exactly…
PraiseofFolly 25 days ago
The two conditions are interconnected, of course.
nosirrom 25 days ago
I do a lot more in my dreams than I can when awake.
The Reader Premium Member 25 days ago
It’s on my to-do list: Do things.
jmworacle 25 days ago
I’m for the latter…
old_geek 25 days ago
But still has to do all those things…
[Traveler] Premium Member 25 days ago
We’re people who like the idea of doing stuff, but when it gets right down to it, we don’t want to.
Daltongang Premium Member 25 days ago
Aunty, it’s called being a lazy @ss. You have it down pat.
jango 25 days ago
Time to visit Adam@Home, Aunty, and get a shot of his new nuclear coffee!
ladykat 25 days ago
Same here.
cuzinron47 25 days ago
We’re somewhat related, I’m a person that needs to do a lot of things, but is trapped inside the body of a lazy person.
rockyridge1977 25 days ago
Well…you know….when you get older…..you need more sleep!!!!