I am ringing up a customer who is paying with a debit card. She puts in her PIN (pre-tap) and it declines. She’s leaving so I have to stop her and tell her it declined.
She huffs and says something about me being an idiot and we do the transaction again.
Declined.
She’s furious. WITH ME! I ignore it and warn her:
Me: “Are you sure you’re using the correct card and PIN? It will likely cancel the card if you put in the wrong code again.”
Not what she wants to hear. We do the transaction again. Declined.
She’s about to lose it but then her shopping companion comes up beside her and asks:
Customer’s Sister: “Hey, sis, why do you have my debit card?”
I work in the makeup department, and I usually see lost-looking husbands running errands for their wives. I know it’s a cliché, but trust me, it’s a cliché founded on truth.
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “Yeah, my wife is after this makeup thingy. It’s… sealant.”
Me: “Sealant?”
Customer: “Yeah, for the face.”
Me: “Uh… I don’t think I’ve heard of sealant for the face.”
The customer mimes spraying over his face.
Customer: “To seal in the makeup?”
Me: “Oh you mean setting spray! Over here!”
I show him the item and he calls his wife to confirm over his phone’s loudspeaker:
Customer: “It’s called [product name]. This is the sealant, yes?”
Customer’s Wife: “Good lord, Simon, I’m your wife, not a bathroom tile. But yes, that’s the item. Love you.” Click.
I work in a big box store in a large retail park where lots of other stores share a large parking lot. I see a woman run into the store looking a bit stressed.
Customer: “I just want to apologize in advance for everything my mother is about to say or do.”
Oh, man… it’s going to be one of those customers.
Me: “I appreciate the advance warning, ma’am, and I get it.”
The woman looks back at the entrance, and we both expect to see her mother storming in. A moment passes and the woman carefully approaches the entrance and looks out to the parking lot. Her eyes go wide.
Customer: “Ah s***, she’s going to the wrong store. She’s about to shout at them for a refund for this store and I haven’t had a chance to pre-warn them!”
She runs out of the store but not before giving me the eye-roll of a woman who has long-ago mastered the art of doing parental damage control.
I am giving a tour of the Natural History Museum to a school trip. There are lots of animals on display and I am taking the children through a visual story of life on Earth.
Me: “And here are the dolphins, which surprisingly enough actually evolved from mammals on the land.”
One of the mothers in the group, a parental chaperone, speaks up.
Parent: “I don’t believe in evolution!”
Ugh! Here we go…
Parent: Smiling. “It’s de-feet-ing the porpoise.”
It took a second, but a cacophony of groans went around the adults of the group like a Mexican wave. One of the other parents spoke in her direction:
If those platitudes take firm, widespread hold … humanity is doomed to endless squabbles and self-destruction… sort of like it is now. Clubs to atomic weapons to oblivion. Pessimism fulfilled.
Yakety Sax 15 days ago
In The End, They Declined To Comment
I am ringing up a customer who is paying with a debit card. She puts in her PIN (pre-tap) and it declines. She’s leaving so I have to stop her and tell her it declined.
She huffs and says something about me being an idiot and we do the transaction again.
Declined.
She’s furious. WITH ME! I ignore it and warn her:
Me: “Are you sure you’re using the correct card and PIN? It will likely cancel the card if you put in the wrong code again.”
Not what she wants to hear. We do the transaction again. Declined.
She’s about to lose it but then her shopping companion comes up beside her and asks:
Customer’s Sister: “Hey, sis, why do you have my debit card?”
Yakety Sax 15 days ago
Never Tell Me The Odds! (I Just Don’t Understand)
At work many years ago, it turned out that a coworker and I had the same birthday.
Coworker: “Wow, that’s amazing! What are the odds?”
Me: “One in three hundred and sixty-five.”
She just gave me a blank look.
Yakety Sax 15 days ago
We’re Guessing He’s More Comfortable In Hardware…
I work in the makeup department, and I usually see lost-looking husbands running errands for their wives. I know it’s a cliché, but trust me, it’s a cliché founded on truth.
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “Yeah, my wife is after this makeup thingy. It’s… sealant.”
Me: “Sealant?”
Customer: “Yeah, for the face.”
Me: “Uh… I don’t think I’ve heard of sealant for the face.”
The customer mimes spraying over his face.
Customer: “To seal in the makeup?”
Me: “Oh you mean setting spray! Over here!”
I show him the item and he calls his wife to confirm over his phone’s loudspeaker:
Customer: “It’s called [product name]. This is the sealant, yes?”
Customer’s Wife: “Good lord, Simon, I’m your wife, not a bathroom tile. But yes, that’s the item. Love you.” Click.
Yakety Sax 15 days ago
The Mother Of All Warnings
I work in a big box store in a large retail park where lots of other stores share a large parking lot. I see a woman run into the store looking a bit stressed.
Customer: “I just want to apologize in advance for everything my mother is about to say or do.”
Oh, man… it’s going to be one of those customers.
Me: “I appreciate the advance warning, ma’am, and I get it.”
The woman looks back at the entrance, and we both expect to see her mother storming in. A moment passes and the woman carefully approaches the entrance and looks out to the parking lot. Her eyes go wide.
Customer: “Ah s***, she’s going to the wrong store. She’s about to shout at them for a refund for this store and I haven’t had a chance to pre-warn them!”
She runs out of the store but not before giving me the eye-roll of a woman who has long-ago mastered the art of doing parental damage control.
Yakety Sax 15 days ago
The Puns Are Evolving
I am giving a tour of the Natural History Museum to a school trip. There are lots of animals on display and I am taking the children through a visual story of life on Earth.
Me: “And here are the dolphins, which surprisingly enough actually evolved from mammals on the land.”
One of the mothers in the group, a parental chaperone, speaks up.
Parent: “I don’t believe in evolution!”
Ugh! Here we go…
Parent: Smiling. “It’s de-feet-ing the porpoise.”
It took a second, but a cacophony of groans went around the adults of the group like a Mexican wave. One of the other parents spoke in her direction:
Other Parent: “Laura, you promised…”
rekam Premium Member 15 days ago
Thanks, Yakety. I loved these.
blunebottle 15 days ago
No, your attitude depends on your personality .
CorkLock 15 days ago
Being a Butthole is all on your part Aunty. All 225 lush pounds.
ladykat 15 days ago
Right on, Aunty!
rockyridge1977 15 days ago
Wishy….washy!!!!!
dflak 15 days ago
I try to respect other people, but I do not need your approval to feel good about myself.
ChukLitl Premium Member 15 days ago
I didn’t see any attitude around here ’til you showed up.
cuzinron47 15 days ago
And you cop an attitude so easily.
crazeekatlady 15 days ago
My attitude is always better if you’re a cat.
PraiseofFolly 15 days ago
If those platitudes take firm, widespread hold … humanity is doomed to endless squabbles and self-destruction… sort of like it is now. Clubs to atomic weapons to oblivion. Pessimism fulfilled.