I work local roadside assistance. I take a call from a customer:
Customer: “I’ve locked myself out of my car! You need to send someone to open it!”
Me: “Do you have an account with us?”
Customer: “No, you’re some small local company in the middle of nowhere! I’m only calling you because you’re based in [Small Town] and [National Roadside Assistance Provider] won’t be here for four hours!”
Me: “Okay, well if you’re inside [Small Town] I can be there quite soon. It will be [total] to unlock if I don’t need a locksmith, and [total] if—”
Customer: “—wait, wait. You’re going to charge me?!”
Me: “Well, yes. I charge for my services.”
Customer: “Can’t you pass on the costs to [National Roadside Assistance Provider]?”
Me: “Well, no. We’re not affiliated with them.”
Customer: “Well you’ll have to sort something out with them since I’m not paying and I’m not waiting for four hours.”
Me: “Okay, so you want me to drive over there, using up my time and my gas, use my expertise to unlock your car for you, and you don’t want to pay?”
Customer: “That’s right.”
Me: “Well then, lucky for you I happen to know a free service that will allow you to regain access to your car right now, and I won’t even need to drive down there.”
Our store will sometimes keep some overstock on the top shelves that are usually inaccessible to customers. Some guys want to buy a product, and I identify the last one in stock and point at it.
Me: “It’s up there. I’ll be right back.”
Customer #1: “Where are you going?”
Me: “I need to get the ladder to get it down.”
Customer #1: “Just get it down now. You seem tall enough and we’re in a hurry!”
Me: “I need to get the ladder to get it down, sir. It’s a safety policy.”
Suddenly the customer breaks down into a mocking tone, as if talking sarcastically to a little child.
Customer #1: “Oooh! Health and safety! The poor little guy needs to get a widdle step. What does he think is gonna happen? Death from a three-foot fall?”
Thankfully, his friend chimes in before I can respond:
Customer #2: “Shut the f*** up Brian, or do we need to bring up that time you sneezed so hard you kneed yourself in the forehead?”
Brian was quiet, and within three minutes I had got their item down for them without incident.
I do not read words. I read blocks of text. My mind processes text in 2K chunks. That’s about two sentences worth. I take it all in and then I “spool” it to the processor to be decoded.
blunebottle 3 months ago
I don’t see a next sentence…the bottom line is just a continuation!…
Yakety Sax 3 months ago
Lies That Bear-ly Hold Together
A couple and their young child are at my checkout. I scan a coconut and the child’s eyes light up.
Child: “Oh! Bear eggs!”
The dad almost spits out his drink and the mother glares at him.
Dad: “I forgot I told him that’s what those were.”
That is what our team now calls coconuts – for the last four years.
Yakety Sax 3 months ago
The Fourst Of July
A mother sends her daughter to check the dates on the milk while she’s buying some fruits. From the milk section, we hear the daughter shout back:
Daughter: “It says the threeth of July!”
Mother: “The threeth of July?… That’s much too soon. Get a longer one!”
The daughter skips back with a carton of milk, so I assume they found a date that they were happy with, and that actually exists.
Yakety Sax 3 months ago
That Kind Of Attitude Has Hit The End Of The Road
I work local roadside assistance. I take a call from a customer:
Customer: “I’ve locked myself out of my car! You need to send someone to open it!”
Me: “Do you have an account with us?”
Customer: “No, you’re some small local company in the middle of nowhere! I’m only calling you because you’re based in [Small Town] and [National Roadside Assistance Provider] won’t be here for four hours!”
Me: “Okay, well if you’re inside [Small Town] I can be there quite soon. It will be [total] to unlock if I don’t need a locksmith, and [total] if—”
Customer: “—wait, wait. You’re going to charge me?!”
Me: “Well, yes. I charge for my services.”
Customer: “Can’t you pass on the costs to [National Roadside Assistance Provider]?”
Me: “Well, no. We’re not affiliated with them.”
Customer: “Well you’ll have to sort something out with them since I’m not paying and I’m not waiting for four hours.”
Me: “Okay, so you want me to drive over there, using up my time and my gas, use my expertise to unlock your car for you, and you don’t want to pay?”
Customer: “That’s right.”
Me: “Well then, lucky for you I happen to know a free service that will allow you to regain access to your car right now, and I won’t even need to drive down there.”
Customer: “Really? Awesome! What do I do?”
Me: “Okay, first, find a decent-sized rock…”
Yakety Sax 3 months ago
Health And Safety Is Nothing To Be Sneezed At
Our store will sometimes keep some overstock on the top shelves that are usually inaccessible to customers. Some guys want to buy a product, and I identify the last one in stock and point at it.
Me: “It’s up there. I’ll be right back.”
Customer #1: “Where are you going?”
Me: “I need to get the ladder to get it down.”
Customer #1: “Just get it down now. You seem tall enough and we’re in a hurry!”
Me: “I need to get the ladder to get it down, sir. It’s a safety policy.”
Suddenly the customer breaks down into a mocking tone, as if talking sarcastically to a little child.
Customer #1: “Oooh! Health and safety! The poor little guy needs to get a widdle step. What does he think is gonna happen? Death from a three-foot fall?”
Thankfully, his friend chimes in before I can respond:
Customer #2: “Shut the f*** up Brian, or do we need to bring up that time you sneezed so hard you kneed yourself in the forehead?”
Brian was quiet, and within three minutes I had got their item down for them without incident.
PraiseofFolly 3 months ago
It finally happened: Aunty received a sentence for “Drunk and Disorderly.”
[Traveler] Premium Member 3 months ago
I actually saw that on a bumper sticker
assrdood 3 months ago
Private answer! Do not read!
rockyridge1977 3 months ago
……no longer a secret!!!!
dflak 3 months ago
I do not read words. I read blocks of text. My mind processes text in 2K chunks. That’s about two sentences worth. I take it all in and then I “spool” it to the processor to be decoded.
walstib Premium Member 3 months ago
From “Yellow Submarine”:
Old Fred: Now whatever you do, don’t touch that button!
Ringo: Which button?
Old Fred: That button.
Ringo: This button?
Ringo: Aaaahhhhh!
Old Fred: That was the panic button.
ladykat 3 months ago
I like you too, Aunty!
cuzinron47 3 months ago
You peaked my curiosity.
metagalaxy1970 3 months ago
That for sure it would say “made you look!”
FreyjaRN Premium Member 3 months ago
Private sign: do not read.