Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for October 16, 2024

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    FreyjaRN Premium Member 2 months ago

    It’s why I married a strong man.

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    Total Wipeout

    I work in a large hardware store chain that also sells basic car parts. A customer is buying some non-car items at my checkout, specifically a helium tank and some balloons.

    Me: “Hi! Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: Sighs. “I suppose.”

    Me: “Oh, everything okay?”

    Customer: “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude! I was supposed to be going to a party—” gestures to the balloons and helium “—but now I gotta take my car to the dealer because the water’s stopped coming out of the windshield wipers.”

    Me: “Oh! If that’s all that’s wrong with your car you don’t need to take it to a dealer! You can buy a bottle of screen wash fluid for a few dollars and just refill it.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Me: “Yes! Shall I get one for you?”

    Customer: “Oh my God! Yes!”

    I sell it to them, and they thank me for saving them a lot of time. I see them walk out to their car, open the bottle of screen wash fluid… and pour it into the gas tank.

    Sounds like they will need to take it to the dealer after all…

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    Okay, Let’s Refocus…

    A woman and her mother walk into the store.

    Customer: “I’d like to buy my mom a smartphone. It’s her first one so we’d appreciate some help in picking one that’s suitable.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help!” To the mother. “What will you mostly be using the phone for?”

    Customer’s Mother: “I was told I could use it to take pictures, like a camera! I’d like to use it for that!”

    I bring out a few smartphones that are suitable for new users, and that have good cameras for their price points.

    Me: “How do these feel? Let me show you.”

    Before I can demonstrate the customer’s mother has picked up one of the phones (a Samsung Galaxy model) and tries to take a picture by putting the lens part up to her eyeball as if it were a viewfinder.

    Customer’s Mother: “I can’t see a d*** thing! I knew these things would be too complicated!”

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    My Bark Is Worse Than Its Bite

    A woman is at my checkout, and she places her bag that contains a yapping Pomeranian on the counter very close to me. I love dogs, and I think Pomeranians are cute, but this one is snarling and lunging at me every time I reach for an item.

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please carry your bag, or hold your dog back?”

    Customer: “Oh, she’s just playing.”

    Me: “Regardless, it still looks like she’s actively trying to bite me.”

    Customer: “Oh, she won’t bite you.”

    Me: “Not more than once…”

    Oh, she gave me such a look…

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    The Compass Stops When The Penny Drops

    Back in my teens, I used to work at a sporting goods store that specialized in outdoor and camping equipment. A customer comes in and almost tosses a compass at me.

    Customer: “This piece of s*** didn’t work! I need a refund and more money to compensate me for all the s*** you put me through!”

    I pick up the compass while my manager runs over; the customer was NOT being quiet and had caught his attention.

    Manager: “Sir, please can you explain what happened?”

    Customer: “That compass didn’t work! North kept f****** moving!”

    My manager and I share a look, but we hope we’re just misunderstanding what the customer is saying.

    Manager: “Well, north will always be north, sir. Are you saying the compass didn’t point north?”

    Me: Spinning around somewhat. “I’ve been holding and moving the compass this last minute and it seems to be pointing north to me.”

    Customer: “Look! I can see it moving now! It keeps spinning around!”

    Manager: “Well, no, the compass is spinning but it’s always pointing north.”

    Customer: “North is always pointing forwards! It’s useless if it keeps moving!”

    Manager: “Wait… sir, do you think north is just another word for forward?”

    Customer: “Well it is, aint it?! North is always the way you’re going!”

    Manager: “But, by that logic, an accurate compass would just be a piece of paper with a compass drawn on it.”

    The customer opens his mouth to argue, but then we slowly see his face contort in real time as he slowly realizes what a dumb-a** he’s being. His embarrassed exit from the store was a lot quicker.

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    Someone’s Not Getting Any Sleep Tonight!

    I was a caffeine addict (undiagnosed ADHD) and working mornings despite being a night owl. That evening, I was playing D&D at a mall with some friends when we took a dinner break during which I decided to get a coffee.

    While the place was busy and I remember little (this was over seven years ago) I remember getting some specialty mint coffee and asking for about eight shots of espresso in it (I have a very high tolerance).

    While I waited, another customer, an older man complaining about something or another during a busy holiday season, heard the coffee being brought out, heard the specialty name (apparently not hearing the extra espresso), and grabbed it before I could say anything.

    I felt bad that that staff had to remake mine.

    I also wasn’t able to focus on the game as well since I was keeping an ear out for the ambulance that I felt would be needed for the guy who had way more caffeine than he thought he ordered.

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    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    Above And Beyond The Call Of Any Coworker

    I am working in a room with two coworkers, both around fifty or so. All three of us are women.

    Coworker #1: “My son is sixteen now!”

    Coworker #2: “Congratulations!”

    Coworker #1: “I’m just so worried about him and what’s out there.”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah, it can be a crazy world.”

    Coworker #1: “He hasn’t even had sex with a woman yet!”

    Coworker #2: Awkward silence

    Coworker #1: “He’s such a sweet boy. I just know that someone is going to take advantage of him, or that he’ll be bad on his first time and the girl will dump him and he’ll be upset…”

    Coworker #2: Awkwardness intensifies

    Coworker #1: “Oh! Maybe you could do it!”

    Coworker #2: “I could do what?!”

    Coworker #1: “Be his first! Show him how it’s done! It would be so nice if his first time was with someone with experience and who was kind and—”

    Coworker #2: Storms out of the room

    Coworker #1: To me “What did I say?”

    I was later called into Human Resources to act as a witness to the complaint that was filed.

    (not my story)

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    jmworacle  2 months ago

    I always found strong women hot.

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    sergioandrade Premium Member 2 months ago

    Week women are boring.

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    Doug K  2 months ago

    Some people will almost always find a way to blame it (whatever negative thing “it” is) on a man or men in general.

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    PraiseofFolly  2 months ago

    A strong man handling a strong woman? That didn’t work too well in the mythological story of Jason and Medea!

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    jango  2 months ago

    Well…I guess Aunty needs a handler

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    assrdood  2 months ago

    Well Aunty, in your case it seems appropriate.

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    rockyridge1977  2 months ago

    The weak can overcome the strong if the weak persist

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    ChukLitl Premium Member 2 months ago

    Maybe quit trying to handle people.

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    Daltongang Premium Member 2 months ago

    And what do weak women say about Strong men?

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    dflak  2 months ago

    Strong men believe in a win-win or positive sum game with women. Women do not frighten them or threaten their masculinity. They gladly partner with, compete, respect and even love strong women.

    Weak men are not secure with their sexuality and fear women and play a zero sum game in which they feel that men MUST win and women MUST lose. These are those men who beat their chests and talk about being “Alpha Males.” They are so afraid of women that they must subjugate, objectify, dehumanize and even control them through legislative laws to protect men from women.

    Weak men would rather see a man with an automatic weapon than a man in a dress. The former may threaten their safety but the latter threatens their masculinity.

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    ladykat  2 months ago

    Very true, Aunty.

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    teachteed23  2 months ago

    Are we talking presidential campaigns here?

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    cuzinron47  2 months ago

    What are trying to say about Walt.

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    rodney  2 months ago

    My wife claims she’s a b!+ch. I tell them that it is true, but… if I wanted who jumped at every one of my commands, I would have married a Stepford.

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    Smeagol  2 months ago

    My dad passed away when I was 7 and my mom raised my brother and I by herself since. She was determined, strong willed and independent, my dad was a fighter pilot and men who were interested had a lot to measure up to. She never remarried.

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    cactusbob333  2 months ago

    The only thing strong about Aunty is her odor.

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    Retliblady Premium Member 2 months ago

    While this is often true the flip side is I have seen women who got very aggressive (I’m not talking assertive here) And then to me and say “Men just handle a strong woman” I understand where the confusion comes from. They are used used to seeing men yelling down anyone who disagrees and calling it strength. We don’t have to sink that low. Strong is standing firm, not steamrolling. Male or female.

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    crazeekatlady  2 months ago

    I was a strong woman surrounded by weak men at work. Or maybe, I just did have a Bad Attitude!

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    John Lamb Premium Member 2 months ago

    Seriously, this sounds like a Presidential candidate and the majority of the Republican Party.

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    daking27  2 months ago

    Really weak men label strong women nasty.

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