Big Top by Rob Harrell for May 18, 2012

The End…?

Pete! languige!

morning tribe and all…happy, happy, happy!!!i never thought i would be the first to offer breakfast. here goesdonuts and other assorted pastries (including bear claws)fresh fruitany kind of coffee ever offered beforehot chocolate and coffee chocolate blendsmilk, chocolate milk and strawberry milkassorted teas

No need to guess what Pete said.

Good morning, Alain & noicant

You, too, Plods.

Hey, Gang,

I’ll have a giant bear claw and fill my sippy cup with DWFNC, please. Sounds like breakfast on the run, huh?

Still more fun in the greenhouse today. Put in the compost and steer stuff in the bottom, and will let that cook for a few days, then we can plant those tomatoes.

the ground is pretty hard in the outside garden, so, it’ll be a while to get that worked in.

Armed Forces Day tomorrow………we salute all our Troops!!!!

I’ll have a chocolate donut and German Chocolte Coffee, thanks noicantspell.

Well, at least Stucko should be happy.

Have fun Montana Lady!

Good morning kids. Hope your world is turning your way today..I get the feeling that Stucco needed new undies..Montana lady, enjoy your garden and planting..Noicant I’ll have some fresh fruit and coffee. Thanks for breakfast..Enjoy the day kids.

Good Morning Jkissmya – Enjoy the day too!

Break time…………………..do you believe none of my seeds sprouted overnight? Harrumph!!!!

Hey, Sojo and Jkissmya

Hello Sojo, Montana Lady and all the rest of you crazy kids. It will be a wonderful day. My septic tank is fixed and life can get back to normal..Montana Lady you must have frgotten to plant the magic beans. :-)

Jkissmya – That would make it a wonderful day.

Montana Lady – Be careful with those magic beans!

Beans, beans, good for the heart . .

Good Afternoon comicnut and Dry!

Good Afternoon, everybodies! (including: comicnut, Dry, & Sojo)

+++++

Dry, how about “Shucks!” or “Good Grief”?

. . . the more you toot, the better you feel,

So let’s have beans at every meal!

Good Afternoon bmonk and Grog!

Like the smileys, Sojo.

Good afternoon, Sojo & bmonk.

Oops forgot.The more you fart the better you feel, so eat your beans at every meal.

Yes, Hi, GROG!!

Is that enough fart humor?

bmonk, we could put an exclamation point on it with a certain scene from Blazing Saddles.

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

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All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

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Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly:

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‘Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.’

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He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

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The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

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Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage..

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Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes..

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The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

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My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

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At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: ‘Happy Birthday!’

bmonk, I laughed all the way through that one, but the punch line was a real gas!

I would have liked to have seen here face when she saw these dinner guests. It’s probably a safe bet they were not having beans for dinner.

Oh yes, much better!

A very proper elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him, “Doctor, I don’t know what the problem is, but I’ve been farting all the time. It’s not really a problem socially because they don’t make any noise and don’t smell. I just can’t stop farting all the time. In fact while I’ve been in here I must have farted at least 20 times.”

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The doctor nods and gives her some pills. “Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done.”

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So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. “What kind of medicine is this? I’m still farting just as much! They still don’t make any noise, but now they stink terribly!”

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The doctor nodded, “It’s alright, now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let’s check out your hearing!”

bmonk – LOL

When studying history of the 13-16 centuries in Europe one of the three forms of entertainment was farting. One performer could sing, leap and fart at the same time. The king gave hime 30 acres he and his descendants could keep as long as one of them could perform the same stunt every Christmas Eve for him.

bmonk – You beat me to posting the second joke, still LOL.

Yeah, that was a more recent one. First one was, what, 1980s vintage? Second one more 2005?

Well, it’s obvious you guys are up on your long-winded jokes.

bmonk – I heard the second one years ago but I don’t remember if I heard the first one before.

Maybe I should have my hearing & sinuses checked.

LOL!

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. . . And the jokes are better for being sat on for so long.

Hello Shikamoo!

Potty humour! Put a lid on it.

bmonk Never ever heard the first joke you told! OMG!Loved it!

You know, in afterthought, how could 12 guests keep a lid on it after being subjected to such a malodorous attack?

jkissmya That’s the version I knew, although, I had heard bmonks version as well! WHAT THE HECK, I LOVE BAKED BEANS! AND CABBAGE, SO STAY AWAY FROM ME!

I’m glad to have been the source of such windy humor. Must come from living in the howling state of West Dakota.

[bows in the direction of the Tribe]

BTW, Dry, I had heard a somewhat shorter version, but this one is of far better descriptive quality.

bmonk be sure you stay downwind!

You too Shika!