Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 01, 2009

ALL Lawyers have trouble getting sympathy. Employed ones have so much money they do not need it.

Time for the lawyer jokes!

Q: Why won’t a shark bite a lawyer?

A: Professional curtesy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: If a barge holding 500 lawyers sank, what would you call it?

A: A good start.

The most laughable profession is psychotherapy. I like the therapist gags.

rmleon, don’t we all need therapy? Well, except for me of course….

The sign is not off the mark by much, which is why most people hate lawyers. Hence, the expression that something is funny only if there is some element of truth in it…

I have reason to believe that we’re getting billed just for reading this strip…

Easy now…not all lawyers work for Michael Jackson.

“Dewy, Cheatum, and Howe”

Taken without permission from Click and Clack on NPR

Who took it from the Three Stooges.

Ques? What do you call people who don’t use a lawyer? Ans: Inmates

I never knew my wife until I met her lawyer

So ,she wasn’t talking or you weren’t listening? Oh, that it could be so simple.

ouch! now i find out i actually llke something the Stooges said….oh, the pain!

Learned one thing from dealing with lawyers and divorces: if you have any questions, pack them all into one phone call, because your lawyer will bill you for the hour whether it’s one minute or 60, and if you call back with another question, the billing starts all over. So, keep reading and re-reading this cartoon for another 59 minutes to get your money’s worth!

Dewey,Cheatum and Howe have been around since before NPR,one of the oldest firms that there is

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”

The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker, the other is a fish.

pearlandpeach-

the Stooges are genius, everyone knows that. I mean EVERYONE knows that.

What do you have if you have 500 Lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough Sand.

– – - – - - - - Have you heard that AIDS researchers are thinking of using lawyers instead of Rats?

1) There are as many Lawyers as there are Rats;

2) The lab assistants won’t become as attached to the Lawyers as they do the Rats,

3) There’s some things you can’t even get a Rat to do.

– - - - - - - - - - - - – - - - - - - -

What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead Lawyer in the road?

Skid marks before the snake.

Good grief! That man who holds the sign and needs the money to pay him for being a lawyer. He is just a panhandler! Beg for bloody money! Scats! Take a hike!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

LOL!—lovin’ the lawyer jokes!

The devil somehow goes up to Heaven and trashes the place. God discovers the mess and yells: “I’m going to sue you for damages!”

“Oh, yeah?”, Satan retorts. “Where are you gonna find a lawyer up here?”

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen Bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

Huh??

love the stooges. deal with lawyers as seldom as possible.

The Stooges were comic geniuses, they had a lot of names like that, unfortunately, I can’t remember them. I also love the lawyer jokes.

Then there was the lawyer who sued the devil in the State court for destroying his career and making his life a mess. The judge dismissed the case because the defendant wasn’t a resident of the State.

And everyone knows the devil resides in his office at the IRS. :-)

I O.K. I HAD to look DNA working butt hurts sitting soo much

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dewey,Cheatem&_Howe

Also Cheetem, Cheethem and Cheatham

There was a joke once in the Harvard Business Review - a guy in an office answers the phone:

“No, I’m sorry, you have a wrong number. I am a lawyer. That’ll be $150.00.”

Says it all, really.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

A rooster gets up every morning and clucks defiance.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

A rooster gets up every morning and clucks defiance.