Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 29, 1998

Transcript:

Rudy: The gate builds a sense of security - it keeps the riff-raff out. Hank: I say to visitors, "If you ain't on my list, the gate ain't gonna lift." Randy: My parents told teh guard I was having a pizza party - but he wouldn't let Lonnie in 'cause I forgot to put him on the list! This gate thing is so lame. Urine: My friend The Darkness is always taking guests from Jersy to the tennis courts without signing them in - so I reported him to the recreation commitee. He's in a world of pain now. Missy: LIke, I didn't even mind it when Mrs. Hoff, the beautification committee told me my crack den needed better landscaping. Hoff: And fix those windows, Hon. News of the Times: New York City Becomes Gated Community. New York City converted from a municipality to a gated community last week, and most residents are ecstatic about the change. One gate is now operational, at the Bronx/Yonkers border, with east and west gates to open if traffic merits it. Rudy, the homeowners associations president, masterminded the conversation. Hank, who mans teh gate on weeknights, takes his mandate very seriously. Staten Island teen Randy Cameron disapproves. Urine, a Soho preformance artist, supports the new stricter community rules. Missy, a crack 'ho, thinks the new system gives the community structure.