Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 21, 2011
Transcript:
Rat: Well, should we try it? Pig: I don't know. Listen to this. 'Do not attempt to operate before reading this manual.' 'Never leave this product unattended when in use.' 'Always keep hands and hair away from moving parts.' 'Steel cutting methods used to manufacture product could result in sharp edges. Take care in handling.' 'Use extreme caution when moving the product.' 'Very high temperatures are reached during use. Take extreme care when product is in use.' 'Do not operate near drapes, curtains, or walls, as fire and substantial property damage may result.' 'Failure on the part of the user to adhere to these warnings could result in serious injury or death of the user.' Rat: I've never been so afraid of a toaster.
margueritem about 13 years ago
Amen, Rat.
Sherlock Watson about 13 years ago
Hmm, nothing in the warning against using it in the shower; that must be safe.
Sisyphos about 13 years ago
And that’s exactly how the feds (and Luddites) want you, Rat!
hariseldon59 about 13 years ago
It’s funny because it’s true.
Keno21 about 13 years ago
“WARNING! Instruction manuals may cause high blood pressure, anxiety, and sever depression!”
arye uygur about 13 years ago
For years I’ve been putting slices of bread on the gas burner of my stove and turning them over after a few seconds
orinoco womble about 13 years ago
They tell you all that…and then you notice the stupid thing is 90% plastic.
NCTom Premium Member about 13 years ago
We just got a new toaster yesterday, and I noticed all that. But my favorite is not to immerse in water. I so wanted to do that with the old toaster before throwing it out.
zero about 13 years ago
Yeah frivolous lawsuits AND the overpopulation of idiots.Who likely couldn’t read much less grasp a warning label.
AnonymousUser about 13 years ago
Caution. This manual indiciates that all people are too dumb to live or has too many lawyers on this planet.
up2trixx about 13 years ago
Years ago I lived in an apartment that had a fireplace. It was too dirty to keep a pile of firewood so I burned those artificial imitation fire logs. Once when lighting one I noticed it had printed on it:
“Caution: RISK OF FIRE”
Really. On a product whose only purpose is to burn…
waynl about 13 years ago
Oh great!!! My English muffin just got stuck in my toaster while reading the strip. Anyone got a knife or a fork so I can remove it???
A.Ficionada about 13 years ago
Nice having a former-lawyer cartoonist to point out this kind of banality in color! Friends from other countries just mock and shake their heads, which really doesn’t have as much entertainment value :-)
mac47 about 13 years ago
EVIL TOASTER!
A_NY_Outlaw about 13 years ago
Wait until Pig and Rat find out about the coffee maker!
pocounohamster about 13 years ago
This is really funny…wonder why Stephan likes to hide the strips he thinks no one will see on Sunday? It also happens to be true with the stupid warnings the manufacturers put on their products.
Number Three about 13 years ago
Be careful!
xxx
Defective Premium Member about 13 years ago
We used to say, and it was true, that instructions like these were written because someone did them. I used to work on an aircraft with props, instead of jets. There was a bold texted, large font, red highlighted warning in the aircraft manual to not walk under them while they were in use! There’s no such thing as common sense.
ninetoes about 13 years ago
For every stupid warning on every product, there is an idiot the won a lawsuit.
TheSpanishInquisition about 13 years ago
You’re toast, Rat.
Destiny23 about 13 years ago
Remember what happened to the cell phone in Transformers. Our appliances really are out to get us!
codedaddy about 13 years ago
My grand kids will be disappointed – I unwrapped something yesterday and the warning on the wrap said to “Keep away from children”.
AlbertNonyMouse about 13 years ago
For all of you wondering why such stupidity is necessary, just keep one small thing in mind: half of all Americans are of below average intelligence, and a whole lot more aren’t much smarter than that. It’s something especially to consider when reflecting on our current political situation…
tsandl about 13 years ago
It’s the first one that always gets me.Why do they bother telling people who are obviously reading the manual that they need to read the manual?
fmasroor about 13 years ago
I wonder if Rat was the one who wrote it!
AGED_ENGINEER Premium Member about 13 years ago
Am I the only one here who smells another hit for Blue Oyster Cult?
Fan o’ Lio. about 13 years ago
First you tell them what you’re going to tell them. Then you tell them. Then you tell them what you told them.
squirrel500 about 13 years ago
Can toasters be dangerous??
yesitisi about 13 years ago
Haha! Lolz! :) I love this, but I think Mr. Pastis is getting too detailed on the drawings… They are starting to look less endearing…
Fan o’ Lio. about 13 years ago
Nothing can be worse than the multitude of fine print warnings that come with our medications. A sleep aid which warns “may cause drowsiness” is one silly example.
arye uygur about 13 years ago
@A.Ficionado: No, I’m in NY, but I’ve been in Xinjiang twice and picked this Avatar to draw attention to the plight of the Uyghurs as they’re not getting the sympathy that the Tibetans (further south) are getting, probably because they’re Muslims and the Chinese are playing the terorist card to keep them down (let me know if you’ve read this, otherwise I’ll re-post it tomorrow)
bloody rainbow ^_^ about 13 years ago
LOL
Hussell about 13 years ago
@SusanSunshine, after you told me about your comment in yesterday’s comic, had to look. True story, when I was, maybe 8 or 9, I overheard my mother telling friend that so-and-so lost their baby and my first thought was, “who loses a baby, they should remember where they put it”. Kind of funny now, but i wasn’t really thinking of it as a joke at that time. In hindsight I am glad I thought it and didn’t say it.Cheers.
Dryden about 13 years ago
Very well said, Stephan. We are truly living in a nanny state.
Liam Astle Premium Member about 13 years ago
Reminds me of the “Happy Fun Ball” skit from Saturday Night Live.
bmonk about 13 years ago
My favorite toaster site—especially the line: “At this point, the researchers also realized that the heat could inadvertently melt the adhesive cellophane and cause the flaming SPTs to suddenly eject from the toaster. Unfortunately, this did not occur.”
RinaFarina about 13 years ago
Yes, @arye, I had been wondering why you chose that name and that avatar. Good enough reason.
Popeyesforearm about 13 years ago
My favorite is “do not use iron while wearing clothes.” If you did this, and obviously someone did, you deserve to get burned.
That’s one bada*s toaster. The James Bond model.
fmasroor about 13 years ago
Warning: Food may burn in product. Risk of poisoning.
ArtCreator almost 13 years ago
I thought all of that was common sense.
ReneeZimbodgi over 12 years ago
Same with me and a lawn mower.
Pearlslover01 almost 12 years ago
Warning: Product hot when heated.
The Homa about 11 years ago
I once had headphones that said that Microsoft would not be responsible if destroyed by “Acts of God”.
We has seen the enemy almost 6 years ago
One of your better ones Stephan.
Darth Revan II almost 4 years ago
I wonder why products always come with warning labels. I recently ordered a star destroyer, and it had about eighty-seven pages of warnings.