Rubes by Leigh Rubin for December 05, 2011

They split it down the middle and gave her the bigger half.

He can gingerly lay flat in bed and still feel less wholesome.

Have a little yeast…you’ll rise again.

My advice? Don’t seek revenge with any half-baked schemes.

Maybe some cupcakes would make you feel better?

It could be worse, she might have a yeast infection.

He might knead a loan.

After they held him at 350˚ for 20 minutes in his lightly greased coffin, the Pillsbury Dough Boy was able to rise again.Other than looking rather puffier and lighter he was his usual self.When asked about the experience he replied, “I thought I had anthrax the last time I was powdered, but it was just a rare case of sour dough poisoning (FBI is looking into this.) It gave me such gas, the frig I was in blew up, and the baking soda freaked out. Then I ran down town and got rolled.”He got up on a nearby counter top (not an unusual setting) and announced,“Behold, I am the weigh, the sweet tooth, and the lite, and he who eats this (showing his buns) shall have everlasting life flights.I am the way to your heart coronary; for I am the only begotten Bun of the Big Pie in the Sky.”He went on and talked about the day we could all have our cake and eat it too.Finally he sat down and started to loaf, which everyone thought was a bit crumby, so refreshments were served, including angel food cake

It looks like SusanSunshine has gotten a job writing captions.

quit complaining and just comb it over, buddy.

Maybe she kneaded the dough!

Half the man he used to be.

Look on the bright side. At least your glass is more than half full.

Now Poppin’ Fresh is Hoppin’ Mad!