Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for September 04, 2012

Radish … I dunno. I think he gets paid scale.

Looks like he has about ten clams there.

I was trying to decide whether it’s meant to be money. Pretty big bills.

I am taken by Chet’s optimism.It’s almost as if he hasn’t noticed . . . you know . . . everything.

Everything except some absolutely fascinating aspects of fish.

Dogsniff — I so much wanted to make a comment about the latter on Brevity…but I can’t.

He’s holding the same thing that’s on the table: pamphlets entitled “Fish”.

Just a reminder to all you Ballard Street and County residents….

The swearing-in of our new Sheriff, MonkeyBlues, will take place at 2pm on the courthouse steps.

But please remember Ballard County passes through many time zones…. All times are approximate.

Yesterday I posted an article from the Ballard Bugle with some details….

Please come back whenever you can…. after the oath and the badge pinning, there will be entertainment organised by Ms. StelBel and light refreshments organised by myself and Ms. Beviek….

With of course, the banquet at Schaabs, and then the Sheriff’s Ball to follow, tomorrow night.

Hope to see you all later!

Every so often a curious passer-by stops and asks about the aspects of the fish. Chet clarifies that a charge of $10 is levied for this information. On receipt, Chet explains that the only certainties in life are death and taxes, and that since his fish are dead and sell for $8 a pound plus tax, these are the only Certain Aspects of The Fish.

I wonder if Chet is a fish slapper?

Mmmmmm….brownies……..how about dropping them off at SCHAABS Hotel Ballroom?

Thanks.

The car is at ready, a few of Linguists irregulars are keeping a watch until Monkey returns and is ready for his ride into Ballard Street History. A great day awaits us all.-———————————————————-Don’t forget the party at my house! I have balloons!!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will be outta your hair all day long!

Chet looks ever hopeful. Even so soon after his double hip replacement surgery (at Ballard Orthopedics and Dry cleaners, of course!), he knows he will be so busy, he won’t need to sit and wait for customers. Yes, that is Ballard County money he’s holding. Chet went to the bank first thing this morning, not wanting to be caught short (he’s already lost 2" in the past 10 yrs…..but, that’s a story for another day.).

Now, what are the certain aspects of the fish? What should we be most concerned with? For $9.95, you, too, can learn the answers to all the mysteries of fish. See Chet.

For those who are curious about certain aspects of crayfish, please stop by Dave’s, two houses down. $8.95.

owwwwww….. mah hed…..ware ahm I…..?wut smellz….?? wut day izzit….? (snick*)

Uh oh.. Susan I think you are needed badly to help Monkey get ready for today’s ceremony..-————————————————————— And make sure he remembers his pants this time!

“AHM REDDY…!!!!!”(thanks Stel..! and Red, an Ling an Storm an Mrs Bev an speshulee SS..!!!)

lets git this pardee starded…!!!

There are so many chimps and monkeys swarming the place, I don’t know what to do. You’ve got the negotiating skills to straighten things out here. If you can take care of this, I’ll go and inform everyone of the delay and also see if I can track down Susan Sunshine.

ATTENTION, EVERYBODY!! THERE’S A SLIGHT EMERGENCY SO THE CEREMONY WILL BE DELAYED A LITTLE BIT. MEANWHILE, FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE, HERE’S STAN THE ONE SQUIRREL BAND !!!!! (Applause)

Ten (on a one to ten scale)

crossing Ballard St.

Let’s all give STAN a hand!!!!! (applause)

Encore! Bravo!

Again, here’s Stan with A Blast From the Past!

(featuring the Arizona Great Dane Drill Team and Chorus)

I’m here! I’m he-eere, everybody!

Monkey, are you back?

Stel…. thank you!

…. whoo — outta beath a little….sorry the bus was late…

and then a WHOLE lot of little monkeys got on about 2 miles back…the driver had to keep stopping…

They were just excited…. big day for monkeys ’round here!

These steps are empty NOW…. but as soon as the Monkey gets back, and the County Supervisors and the Police Commissioner step out….

x_Tech — are the mics on?

Testing…. 1….2….3 …

@SS

The hotel staff just contacted me. Apparently, the situation is just about under control, thanks to the Sheriff. He should be arriving shortly….In the meantime, direct from Montpelier, here are MONTY, MORDECAI and MITCH…..

Cheap Sunglasses

never lyked gitten inta theeze munky soots…it aint me…. o well…letz go…!!! I gots werk ta do…!!!

Welcome Everyone….

we are experiencing a teeensy technical delay…. be right with you…

Good afternoon…. one and all….I’d like to introduce our County Board of Supervisors, and our respected Police Commissioner Howard Offenbach….

And of course, our Sheriff Elect, Acting Sheriff MonkeyBlues!

hey mah pa maid it…!!!! we can start now…!!!

Look at that crowd on the library steps across the street..

Thanks Stel for the great entertainment!

hay no smokkin eksept at the tiki bar….later!!!! Batpug….!!!

So many monkeys in town!

I see the Monkey’s uncle Montgomery!

this wun luks fumilyur… butt eye aint sew shur…

Police Commisioner Offenbach….would you like to say a few words?

“No ma’am… let’s just get this show on the road.”

“Acting Sheriff MonkeyBlues, please repeat after me:

I do solemnly swear that I, MonkeyBlues, will perform with fidelity the duties ofthe office of Sheriff for Ballard County, to which I have been lawfully elected, andwhich I am about to assume.

I further swear that that I have neither promised nor given any gift or reward foraid in procuring this office, not even one little banana.

I will uphold the laws of Ballard County and of the United States, doing right to the poor as to the rich, to the dog as to the cat, to the human as to the monkey,and I will do no wrong to any of them for any reward, not even chocolate cake, nor will I be influenced in any matter by species, race, creed, gender, odor or personal dislike.

I will accept no gift, bribe, or daiquiri for any false process.

And I will execute the office of sheriff to the best of my monkey ability and judgment, so help me God."

……Ballard County Sheriff Monkeyblues

AH DEW…!!!!!!

By the power invested in me by the County of Ballard….

You are now entitled to wear this badge…

representing the office of Sheriff of Ballard County, MonkeyBlues!

Look at the crowd on the library steps across the street!

Let’s cut the cake!

It’s small, folks…. we have three…. we’ll see how far it goes.But the first piece goes to our new Sheriff!

izzit tyme to sell a bait yet…???Ahm thurstee…!!!

It’s good to see everybody showed up…even the pygmy contingent…

Ah LUV ’NANNER CAKE…!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS SHERIFF !!!! We can now all breath a sigh of relief… er… I mean … party… ah, well… ah.. sleep easier knowing everything is in your capable hands and you’re finally officially an official. The banana drinks are on me for all your relatives ( providing they’re of legal age – don’t want anyone to get in trouble…

THATS the purty-est badje ah ever did saw…!!!Thank yew suzi!!!!an thanks tew ALL YA’LL fer backin’ me up an, an, (sniff)bee leavin in me… ah hope ta dew ya prowd…!!!

@ SHERIFF Monkeyblues

My, oh my… that is a very impressive badge, sir! Congratulations!

Oh — over there… I see The Sheriff’s charmingly …er…. well-travelled….. Aunt Theobolda…

Stel, Bev , Susan, Storm, Red :Super duper congratulations to all of you for making this the best election event ever on Ballard Street. You guys worked extremely hard to pull this off… or is it put this on ?Kudos to you all.The same can’t be said for Police Commissioner Get-Off -My-Back Offenbach, whop’d be walking the plank, if I’d my way. What an old stuffed shirt. I didn’t know he was so touchy about his daughter. Sheeesh ! Man can’t take a joke !

This sweet baby was just found sleeping in Supervisor Hanson’s top desk drawer…Will her parents please pick her up in that office or report to Lt. Canine ASAP…ID required.

hey…hey YEW…!!!thars a noyze ordnanse in this hear town…. an spekt yew tew o bide buy it..!!! (ahl let him off wit a warnin this tyme… since thars gonna bee sum noyze shortlee any wayz… down at the tike bar..!!)

“This is Comissioner Offenbach,,,

Susan Sunshine has generously offered me her microphone so I can say to you all…

HEY!! – Is that the Linguist…You dirty son-of…"

I’ll take that microphone now, Commissioner…thank you….Let’s have a hand for Commissioner Offenbach!"

an ah think its tyme to agin thank ever buddy fer there pay shunts with mah she naniganz an mah free qwint travelin’ an bad spellin… an sum tymes hard hearin’ an… sore feet (SS)… an, an… ya’ll ar aw sum frenz….

EVER BUDDY SERVZ A ROUND OF PLAWZ…!!!!!

an downt ferget espeshully mah bestest frend…. ESS…!!!

THIS WUNS FER YEW ESS…!!!

an awl the rest uv teh BS ear reglarz tew…!!!

ah gots ta go fer a few… tend to mah pa… meat ya’ll at teh tiki bar in a bit…!!!

@ RedkayceiWanted to let you know that I have set up a FREE shuttle service to all of the festivities – the Tiki Bar, Storm’s Party Pad, Schaabs Hotel and to Ballard Street resident’s home when they are ready. We don’t need any DWI’s and DUI’s or IMOTS ( Intoxicated Monkeys On The Streets ) tonight or tomorrow.I’ve arranged for over 100 taxis, suitable for everyone, to be available. A couple of my non-drinking bodyguards will keep an eye on the Sheriff , so hopefully ( the emphasis on hopefully ) he won’t get into too much…er.. any … trouble .

Bev … The banquet and ball ARE tonight!

Banquet at 7pm at Schaabs…The music will start around 8:30…

Don’t miss it!

@ Sheriff Monkeyblues

This …um…this lady has been looking for you….she says she’s your Aunt Theobromina (Theobolda’s older sister)….

hey never mind…!!!Itz awl gud….!!!Paw sed she wanted ta prezent me wif a token ov fambly jules that wenever sum buddy duz gud thay gits a kinda ree ward…. its a fambly sea crate…. an no wun iz told til it happenz… an am teh furst ta git a ward in 57 yers…!!!

Ah alwyz loved mah “Ante Theo B”……!!!!

(hey Ling… ya gots rum room in yer galley ta store sum stuff… til X opens teh bank in teh mornin….?)

Oh Monkey!Congratulations!

Hey, do you know this little fellow?

He’s been hanging out with the Ballard Bugle staff…they’re looking for his mother.

(hic*) ah lubs dabana bakeris… Mmmmm

Hey I been thinkin’…

An’ you wanna know WHAT I been thinkin’?

Cors you do…..Yeah….

\Um….Now what was I thinkin?

OH YEAH!I was thuinkin’ maybe he bangkwet bankwit

whazzat? Q?That’s dum…banqwit..

Enyway it shud be too morro ….and the ball….cos…..some peeople are kinda lyin on the floor at the tiki barr….and sum are sleepin outside at Storm’s houwse….

an I don feeel so gud…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

mebbee sumbuddy shud tell te shearf bout dese pardeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

OH!I ment ta thank the Lingwist….for his genroshity..

an heers anover toest to ar frend SX!!….werever yu ar!zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Bad Pun – Sunday?!?

https://cleoandcompany.net/september-4-2022/

Looks a little phishy to me…

Makes you wonder how long Garfield or PBS went before the $$$ fell out of the ceiling. @ cleoandcompany.net

Good morning Cleo Phans!

My youngest grilled some wonderful steaks last night…. and he didn’t have to rustle them.

Short stop today…. No coffee yet.

Y’all have a great rest day. (((((HuGz!)))))