Close to Home by John McPherson for September 15, 2012

Oh, no, not only is she marrying a compulsive handyman, he’s an uneducated handyman, at that. It’s a lectern, not a podium.

I was a wedding photographer many years ago, and the groom offered me a piece of sandpaper that was in his wallet when I was having some trouble with my photoflash batteries.

I always thought it was wrrrr.

If ya can’t be handsome, be handy!

Reminds me of the joke about the guy from Kentucky (this is a joke told in Indiana), who got caught in France for some crime and was about to face the guillotine. The law said that if the blade didn’t come down all the way, the prisoner was allowed to go free. There were two condemned prisoners before him, and with each of them, the blade only came down halfway and stuck. The Kentuckian watched intensely, thinking. As each of those prisoners was released, and he was brought to the guillotine, the executioner said, “Any last words?” The Kentuckian said, “You know, I believe if you used a little WD-40 on that thing, it’d work just fine.”

Stop screwing around.

I am afraid I have been there. I was trying to fix an electrical outlet in the bedroom one night when my girlfriend had other plans. The outlet got fixed 2 days later.

There needs to be more men who are a bit more compulsive about fixing things around the house.

Didn’t anyone catch that it’s actually a lectern, not podium. Common misconception that the two are interchangeable.

It’s a lecturn, which you stand behind. A podium, you stand on.

I’d have called it a Pulpit.

She’ll be glad to have a handyman around the house once the honeymoon is over!