Cornered by Mike Baldwin for October 20, 2022

He’d like a final meal of “chopped” salad.

That must be for the Customer Survey!!!!

How’d you like to make some extra bank?

“I only wanted a light trim”.

I’m concerned that you seem to take too many shortcuts.

Please participate in our customer survey after the procedure. It will only take 15 minutes of your time, and we will give you a half-off coupon for your next procedure when you complete it.

Yes, you’re enjoying yourself to much.

My neck hurts, can you loosen this a bit ?

Just a little off the top this time. Last time you took a bit too much.

Please put a pillow in the bucket.

First some iodine, wouldn’t want an infection.

I am allergic to iron.

“Can you give me an encouraging word?” … “Sure. Keep your head up.”

Just one question! When’s the last time that blade was sharpened?

yeah, if I lose my head… will I have to carry it around all day or do I have to stitch it back on?

Please be sure to fill out the short survey form we’ll email to you after your appointment.

“First you must initial here, initial here, and I’ll need a full signature here!”

Did not like procedure. Would not buy again.

You didn’t complete the medical survey form. Please list all immunizations, diseases, possible exposures, medical procedures, surgeries, medications, known allergies, insurance information, and emergency contact information. Have you traveled to a foreign county recently? Do you have any new piercings or tattoos? Have you donated blood or plasma recently? Have you ever had this procedure before? Wait while we print an identification wristband for you.

I’m going to leave a negative review!

" Yes…is this going to leave a mark?"

A doctor, lawyer, engineer were in a primitive country and accidentally offended the local gods. They were to be executed, and, somehow, they had a guillotine.

They ask the lawyer if he’d like to be executed face up or face down. “Face down” he says. They pull the cord and… nothing happens. The tribal leader says “according to our laws, if it fails, then the gods deem you innocent. You are free.”

Then they ask the docter if he’d like to be executed face up or face down. “Face down” he says. They pull the cord and… nothing happens. The tribal leader says “according to our laws, if it fails, then the gods deem you innocent. You are free.”

Then they asked the engineer if he’d like to be executed face up or face down. “Face up” he says. They’re about to pull the cord and the engineer says “I think I see your problem….”

I’m allergic to sharp objects…

Yes, isn’t that a Prop 65 warning label on the blade?

Cutting edge comments today. :)

“Yes. Has this bucket been sterilized or just washed out with rags?”

Could I get a second opinion?

Looks like he opted for a cold chop rather than a hot steak.

Who will the ‘Rate My Execution’ survey go to? They’ll be eligible for a $10 gift card.

be polite – while he’s talking don’t cut him off…

Not off the top of my head.

“Concerns? Yeah, well, I have a couple, but nothing I’m going to lose my head over . . . "