The dark is the ancient fear of mankind. In the dark lurks not only the bitey things and the bad people but also the spectral things that have peopled the gibbering imagination. A fearful fate awaits the man or woman who ventures beyond the campfire light to investigate a rustle or bump in the night. .One need only look at Burl peering out into the night to imagine our doughty ancestor peering out from his rude hide shelter. And, in fact, the troglodyte wondering what is creeping up had fewer worries than the products of modern headlines that torture our four..In roughing it, they have exposed themselves to the real and the scarier than real. But the call of adventure is strong. Dale found that tent at the Make A Dollar Holler store. When he told Burl about it,Burl challenged him as knowing nothing about camping. “Do so,” countered Dale. “My sister was a Girl Scout.” The long and the short of it is that they ended up daring each other, and in the ensuing discussion, the site of this experiment moved from wilderness, to state park, to city greenbelt, to back yard, and finally to Burl’s deck. It’s too bad Jerry wasn’t there. He has actual been camping, having spent the night in Lester the Scoutmaster’s tent at Camp Donchabenover that summer. .So, here they sit in the howling wilderness of the back deck,nerves drawn tight. Their camp-out meal of double bacon chili onion cheese burgers (made with real meat) has been eaten. The intestinal chorus is tuning up. The situation is potentially grim; all the emergency HoHo rations have been consumed. And now, someone must go see what that noise could be, or no one will sleep this night. .You may be surprised to learn that Marlene was the volunteer who ventures forth. Dale was worried about the danger. After all, to allow a woman of Marlene’s Rubenesque dimensions to leave the tent, the zip would have to be opened nearly all the way, admitting no telling what waiting horror to come for Dale. But the operation was carried out without untoward incident, except when Marlene bent over to squeeze past Burl on zipper duty, and the emanation from her fear sweaty loins caused even him to swoon. But, as the minutes crept by, and Marlene failed to return, a fierce discussion broke out over the issue of a rescue party. Burl lobbied for sending someone to look. Of course it couldn’t be he, because now that he had experience in efficiently operating the zipper to minimize exposure, he was a vital position. Dale couldn’t go. If they both were lost, who would be at their house tomorrow to take delivery of the new StrollMaster exercise machine. (Besides, that somewhat greasy girl who manages the Drippy Chicky fried chicken place has been winking – or at least seductively twitching – at him, so he’ll go on okay without Marlene.) .Joy’s 64 ounce root beer from dinner was taking effect, and having foolishly destroyed the cup, she was going to have little choice any way, so she went in search of Marlene. And predictably, she too was lost. .At that point, the sump pump really did kick in, both producing a horrendously evil, wheezing sound and vibrating the deck. Burl tried to flee, but the zipper jammed. Dale panicked and tried to jump up, his head breaking through the top of the tent, and in his imagined death throes destroyed the genuine LED “Tough Hombre” brand light that proved surprisingly fragile, even for a Dollar Holler product, so that when he frantically pulled his head free from the rent in the tent, he and Burl were in total darkness. .It would have been a tragedy had not Dale’s tent been actually made for small children to pretend camp in their bedrooms and so was made of plasticized recycled toilet paper and none too well glued seams at that, and our heroes left little behind to be identified. Wildebeests surprised by a crocodile boiling up out of a river conduct a more orderly retreat. .The girls were mightily impressed that their men had come charging to the rescue. In fact, the girls had become distracted when Joy found a big supply of Pizza Bites in freezer number two and were flogging the microwave. They had just reached the critical stage where oven output had exceeded their intake (no small task), so they were able to sooth the boys’ shattered nerves. It was 9:00 p.m..It had been quite a night. They would talk about it always as “the camping trip.” Burl always wondered if the cost of the expedition had been worth it. .Tent $2.00LED light $1,79Bacon, chili, onion double cheeseburgers $39.00Replacement pump after tent remnants blew into the pool $400.00Survival: Priceless.
The dark is the ancient fear of mankind. In the dark lurks not only the bitey things and the bad people but also the spectral things that have peopled the gibbering imagination. A fearful fate awaits the man or woman who ventures beyond the campfire light to investigate a rustle or bump in the night. .One need only look at Burl peering out into the night to imagine our doughty ancestor peering out from his rude hide shelter. And, in fact, the troglodyte wondering what is creeping up had fewer worries than the products of modern headlines that torture our four..In roughing it, they have exposed themselves to the real and the scarier than real. But the call of adventure is strong. Dale found that tent at the Make A Dollar Holler store. When he told Burl about it,Burl challenged him as knowing nothing about camping. “Do so,” countered Dale. “My sister was a Girl Scout.” The long and the short of it is that they ended up daring each other, and in the ensuing discussion, the site of this experiment moved from wilderness, to state park, to city greenbelt, to back yard, and finally to Burl’s deck. It’s too bad Jerry wasn’t there. He has actual been camping, having spent the night in Lester the Scoutmaster’s tent at Camp Donchabenover that summer. .So, here they sit in the howling wilderness of the back deck,nerves drawn tight. Their camp-out meal of double bacon chili onion cheese burgers (made with real meat) has been eaten. The intestinal chorus is tuning up. The situation is potentially grim; all the emergency HoHo rations have been consumed. And now, someone must go see what that noise could be, or no one will sleep this night. .You may be surprised to learn that Marlene was the volunteer who ventures forth. Dale was worried about the danger. After all, to allow a woman of Marlene’s Rubenesque dimensions to leave the tent, the zip would have to be opened nearly all the way, admitting no telling what waiting horror to come for Dale. But the operation was carried out without untoward incident, except when Marlene bent over to squeeze past Burl on zipper duty, and the emanation from her fear sweaty loins caused even him to swoon. But, as the minutes crept by, and Marlene failed to return, a fierce discussion broke out over the issue of a rescue party. Burl lobbied for sending someone to look. Of course it couldn’t be he, because now that he had experience in efficiently operating the zipper to minimize exposure, he was a vital position. Dale couldn’t go. If they both were lost, who would be at their house tomorrow to take delivery of the new StrollMaster exercise machine. (Besides, that somewhat greasy girl who manages the Drippy Chicky fried chicken place has been winking – or at least seductively twitching – at him, so he’ll go on okay without Marlene.) .Joy’s 64 ounce root beer from dinner was taking effect, and having foolishly destroyed the cup, she was going to have little choice any way, so she went in search of Marlene. And predictably, she too was lost. .At that point, the sump pump really did kick in, both producing a horrendously evil, wheezing sound and vibrating the deck. Burl tried to flee, but the zipper jammed. Dale panicked and tried to jump up, his head breaking through the top of the tent, and in his imagined death throes destroyed the genuine LED “Tough Hombre” brand light that proved surprisingly fragile, even for a Dollar Holler product, so that when he frantically pulled his head free from the rent in the tent, he and Burl were in total darkness. .It would have been a tragedy had not Dale’s tent been actually made for small children to pretend camp in their bedrooms and so was made of plasticized recycled toilet paper and none too well glued seams at that, and our heroes left little behind to be identified. Wildebeests surprised by a crocodile boiling up out of a river conduct a more orderly retreat. .The girls were mightily impressed that their men had come charging to the rescue. In fact, the girls had become distracted when Joy found a big supply of Pizza Bites in freezer number two and were flogging the microwave. They had just reached the critical stage where oven output had exceeded their intake (no small task), so they were able to sooth the boys’ shattered nerves. It was 9:00 p.m..It had been quite a night. They would talk about it always as “the camping trip.” Burl always wondered if the cost of the expedition had been worth it. .Tent $2.00LED light $1,79Bacon, chili, onion double cheeseburgers $39.00Replacement pump after tent remnants blew into the pool $400.00Survival: Priceless.