Teasing, unless it’s applied very sparingly and judiciously, is a form of abuse — deeply and lastingly hurtful. It’s pure hostility. (“When they say, what’s the matter, can’t you take a joke?…they weren’t joking.”)
Elly seems to have some insecurities. It’s okay to tease someone who can take good-natured teasing, but you have to be careful with insecure people. They tend to take teasing as criticism.
The “Me?” in the second panel is another red flag. When the person in question can’t believe that they would be in the wrong, that’s another indication of a problem. As I tell my husband, another “joker”, if all you’re doing is mocking someone else than it gets old and ceases to be funny. If you mock yourself as well or make jokes that don’t mock anyone, then you won’t be viewed in a negative way.
John needs to sit down and have a talk with his son. Research shows that boys look to their father (or father-figure) on how to treat women, and if John keeps teasing Elly the way he does and making her feel unvalidated, he may be sending the wrong message to his son. I know it’s just a strip, but I’m just saying…….
I was married to an abusive bully, and now am probably overly sensitive to the insulting, patronizing “Can’t you take a joke?” sort of thing. He DID use it as a controlling “I can do anything I want because you belong to me” tactic.
“Can’t you take a joke?” is right up there with comments that start with “No offence, but…” It’s like the person using that line feels that gives him/her carte blanc to say anything, no matter how insulting.
For those of you “suck it up Elly” people who don’t know, Lynn based the John character on her own husband, and the Elly character on herself. She suffered emotional and verbal abuse at his hands, so every comment you make insulting Elly, is Insulting Lynn. Every woman I know who has been in a bad relationship knows exactly whatr John is doing. If my husband continually spoke to me like that, he’d literally get a frying pan over the head.
I thought Elizabeth had wrecked some of Michael’s stuff? Retaliating for that isn’t teasing. She needs to be taught to respect his stuff. Just punishing Michael alone isn’t the solution because that just teaches Elizabeth to wreck more of his stuff.
There seem to be two diametrically opposed views in a lot of the comments here, perhaps reflecting the habitual actions of the commenters. My viewpoint is that some people are way too sensitive and you have to walk on eggshells around them, but that John’s “It was good to see you working for a change!” was not a lighthearted joke (especially if he’s done something like that before).
Know your audience. How will the action be perceived.In Ann Landers some years back, the subject was about how annoying it was when friends dropped in unannounced.With both husband and wife working, and kids on a full schedule, this was a valid point.However, out in rural areas, one could be miffed if they learned that you had been in the area, and NOT stopped by.KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!
A brief historical note:The first time a child abuse case went to court-the child(ren) were classified as animals!There were laws on the books regarding animal cruelty before there were for child cruelty!(Oh well, some act like animals!!)
That’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing Lynn’s notes.
I think I was around 4 when I was allowed to have a bath by myself, but my mom had me sing the whole time (which must have been torthure – I never could carry a tune). So as long as I was singing, she could get other things done. Yeah, sure, something could have gone wrong, I suppose. But here I am.
This is a comic strip. The characters are not real people. They are Lynn Johnston’s creations – the dialogue comes only from her imagination. Some folks are taking this WAY too seriously.
My ex-husband never learned that I don’t think teasing is fun. That’s not the MAIN reason I divorced him, but it was a factor. Especially as the “teasing” got meaner and meaner.My present husband only teased me (like John teases Elly) once. I told him I didn’t like teasing and he stopped teasing me. He still teases people who don’t mind teasing. He teases our younger son, he teases right back. But he’s never teased our older son, since he realized right away that the kid took everything his father said seriously.Some men learn, some don’t. Some men care, some don’t.
I was teased a lot by my brother growing up and I learned to tease my sister unmercifully … I didn’t learn it from my father – my father always treated my mom with respect. I found out later my brother had emotional issues that almost led to domestic violence but it took the police taking him to jail to straighten him and therapy to control his temper. He bottled up stuff and would explode every 6 mos or so. He can work it out now. I was teasing my sister around a pool and caused her to accidentally break her arm. I finally realized what I was doing. We are both now very protective of my sister and my brother later threatened to kill a guy who was verbally abusing her. But we had to come to terms with it in our ways after seeing it from others’ perspective. I am usually very conscious of it, though I love sarcasm and jokes. But you have to see it from the others side of it. Unless you’re a hermit, you have to learn how to interact w/ all kinds of people.
kfccanada over 12 years ago
A typical male comment….I think my dad used to use it a lot….lol
PShaw0423 over 12 years ago
Teasing, unless it’s applied very sparingly and judiciously, is a form of abuse — deeply and lastingly hurtful. It’s pure hostility. (“When they say, what’s the matter, can’t you take a joke?…they weren’t joking.”)
deeceewye over 12 years ago
Elly seems to have some insecurities. It’s okay to tease someone who can take good-natured teasing, but you have to be careful with insecure people. They tend to take teasing as criticism.
psychlady over 12 years ago
The fun is in her reaction. If she’d ignore him…
Beleck3 over 12 years ago
john is such an idiot.
gobblingup Premium Member over 12 years ago
The “Me?” in the second panel is another red flag. When the person in question can’t believe that they would be in the wrong, that’s another indication of a problem. As I tell my husband, another “joker”, if all you’re doing is mocking someone else than it gets old and ceases to be funny. If you mock yourself as well or make jokes that don’t mock anyone, then you won’t be viewed in a negative way.
hcr1985 over 12 years ago
John needs to sit down and have a talk with his son. Research shows that boys look to their father (or father-figure) on how to treat women, and if John keeps teasing Elly the way he does and making her feel unvalidated, he may be sending the wrong message to his son. I know it’s just a strip, but I’m just saying…….
jaeldid66 over 12 years ago
I was married to an abusive bully, and now am probably overly sensitive to the insulting, patronizing “Can’t you take a joke?” sort of thing. He DID use it as a controlling “I can do anything I want because you belong to me” tactic.
Elderflower over 12 years ago
“Can’t you take a joke?” is right up there with comments that start with “No offence, but…” It’s like the person using that line feels that gives him/her carte blanc to say anything, no matter how insulting.
Heavenly Nostrils over 12 years ago
For those of you “suck it up Elly” people who don’t know, Lynn based the John character on her own husband, and the Elly character on herself. She suffered emotional and verbal abuse at his hands, so every comment you make insulting Elly, is Insulting Lynn. Every woman I know who has been in a bad relationship knows exactly whatr John is doing. If my husband continually spoke to me like that, he’d literally get a frying pan over the head.
ewalnut over 12 years ago
I thought Elizabeth had wrecked some of Michael’s stuff? Retaliating for that isn’t teasing. She needs to be taught to respect his stuff. Just punishing Michael alone isn’t the solution because that just teaches Elizabeth to wreck more of his stuff.
Gokie5 over 12 years ago
There seem to be two diametrically opposed views in a lot of the comments here, perhaps reflecting the habitual actions of the commenters. My viewpoint is that some people are way too sensitive and you have to walk on eggshells around them, but that John’s “It was good to see you working for a change!” was not a lighthearted joke (especially if he’s done something like that before).
tuslog64 over 12 years ago
Same old story we’ve seen for ages:It’s my kid when something great happensIt’s your kid when something goes wrong!!
tuslog64 over 12 years ago
Know your audience. How will the action be perceived.In Ann Landers some years back, the subject was about how annoying it was when friends dropped in unannounced.With both husband and wife working, and kids on a full schedule, this was a valid point.However, out in rural areas, one could be miffed if they learned that you had been in the area, and NOT stopped by.KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!
tuslog64 over 12 years ago
A brief historical note:The first time a child abuse case went to court-the child(ren) were classified as animals!There were laws on the books regarding animal cruelty before there were for child cruelty!(Oh well, some act like animals!!)
renewed1 over 12 years ago
Thin skin must be a necessity for some of you. Abuse? Bully? Get real.
m.l. over 12 years ago
Elderflower over 12 years ago
That’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing Lynn’s notes.
I think I was around 4 when I was allowed to have a bath by myself, but my mom had me sing the whole time (which must have been torthure – I never could carry a tune). So as long as I was singing, she could get other things done. Yeah, sure, something could have gone wrong, I suppose. But here I am.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 12 years ago
This is a comic strip. The characters are not real people. They are Lynn Johnston’s creations – the dialogue comes only from her imagination. Some folks are taking this WAY too seriously.
Dewsolo over 12 years ago
@ GretchensMom and Paula; Right on!
My ex-husband never learned that I don’t think teasing is fun. That’s not the MAIN reason I divorced him, but it was a factor. Especially as the “teasing” got meaner and meaner.My present husband only teased me (like John teases Elly) once. I told him I didn’t like teasing and he stopped teasing me. He still teases people who don’t mind teasing. He teases our younger son, he teases right back. But he’s never teased our older son, since he realized right away that the kid took everything his father said seriously.Some men learn, some don’t. Some men care, some don’t.
rugratz2222 over 12 years ago
I was teased a lot by my brother growing up and I learned to tease my sister unmercifully … I didn’t learn it from my father – my father always treated my mom with respect. I found out later my brother had emotional issues that almost led to domestic violence but it took the police taking him to jail to straighten him and therapy to control his temper. He bottled up stuff and would explode every 6 mos or so. He can work it out now. I was teasing my sister around a pool and caused her to accidentally break her arm. I finally realized what I was doing. We are both now very protective of my sister and my brother later threatened to kill a guy who was verbally abusing her. But we had to come to terms with it in our ways after seeing it from others’ perspective. I am usually very conscious of it, though I love sarcasm and jokes. But you have to see it from the others side of it. Unless you’re a hermit, you have to learn how to interact w/ all kinds of people.