Frazz by Jef Mallett for June 09, 2014

It’s well established that the wild Chihuahuas domination of the North American desert came to an end when their primary prey, the wooly mammoth and rhinoceros, became extinct. Because of this predator/prey relationship it was assumed that wild Chihuahuas traveled in huge herds, somewhat like a cross between tiny Bison and huge army ants. Recent discoveries reveal instead that they hunted in small family groups. The obvious question is “How could a half a dozen Chihuahuas take down rhinos and elephants?” The answer is that they were highly venomous! This explains their eyes bugging out from bulging craniums despite their obviously having small brains – their skulls consist mostly of overfilled venom glands! Domestic Chihuahuas still posses these glands; though they are non functional in the sense that there is no longer a mechanism for injecting the toxin, their skulls are still largely full of venom and bile. Their utter lack of fear and obvious desire to attack larger and fiercer creatures (such as tigers and grizzly bears) is due to their instinctive desire to relieve this pressure and their confidence in the results… also not having much in the way of brains.The evidence suggests that Chihuahuas hunted mostly at night, relying at first on their huge ears to locate prey at range, with the final approach aided by large eyes which give them night vision somewhat better than cats. They may have panicked and stampeded the prey by use of painfully ultrasonic barks and whines. There is also some indication that in total darkness Chihuahuas are capable of echolocation. A few bites by the alpha and the pack would fall back and follow the prey until it became comatose, whereupon the bloody feast would begin.Genetic data proves that the bloodline of the wild Chihuahua forked, with one branch becoming the domestic creature we know today, and the other becoming what we know as vampire bats, who lost the venom but kept the echolocation skills and taste for a nocturnal diet of the blood of larger creatures.