Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for December 11, 2016

Is shipping and handling included?

The reviews sold me on your killing products. What testimonials!

The Killing Jars may be reused to hold the cremated remains..

Anecdote of the Jar by Wallace Stevens

I placed a jar in Tennessee,

And round it was, upon a hill.

It made the slovenly wilderness

Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,

And sprawled around, no longer wild.

The jar was round upon the ground

And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion everywhere.

The jar was gray and bare.

It did not give of bird or bush,

Like nothing else in Tennessee.

Am I too late for the Buggs Bunny cartoon?

Did the Main Feature begin yet?

Will my killing jar arrive in time for Christmas?

Snake Bite in a jar.

Love is.. a good butt whippin for using dangerous poisons.

Earthquakes deliver a killing jar…no handling required!

Love is… having your cake and eating it too.

A lepidopterist or aurelian is a person who specialises in the study of Lepidoptera, members of an order encompassing moths and butterflies.

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away bye bye

So I was troubleshooting a wi-fi issue, where a computer in the basement wasn’t able to connect to a 2-wire wireless modem on the second floor. As it turns out, the UPS, with its lead-acid batteries, was in the line of sight between the wireless and the computer, creating a cone of silence.

Kill them softly with his song.

(Wikipedia entry, year 2153)

“Both Killing Jars™ and Touchdown Duck™ were first introduced on December 11, 2016. Commercial rights were assigned by ”Tee"* and "Kay"* to the GoComics overlords.

* (not their real names)

Although licensed merchandise sales were slow at first, they eventually burrowed through the Andrews McMeel Universal corporate sales department’s sub basement floor.

Ultimately, tens of thousands of items of “KJ” and “TD” branded clothing, figurines, plush dolls, flags, balloons, posters, petroleum jelly, Kwanzaa cards and other bits of merchandise were donated to starving children in Biafra, Chad and Bangthedish (in lieu of food, medicine and Garfield™ pajamas.)"

                             MOTHER THALWEG

                                      - presents -

          Top 10 Countdown to Decennial Saturnalia

(a/k/a words made famous by Frog Applause that are certain to be lighting up snapstagram and tweetbook in 2020)

Number 10: ITHYPHALLIC STATUES

http://www.gocomics.com/frogapplause/2014/08/23

From Amazon dot com:

Insect Killing Jar, Ethyl Acetate, Not Charged, 8 oz

by Carolina Biological Supply Company

$ 7 75 + $7.95 shipping

As you can see, other killing jars are not only inferior to Frog Applause killing jars, but the are also NOT being offered at 20% off!

Can you really have any more questions after you have found out these tidbits of information.

Order Now!

Dear Ms. lrope:

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you regarding the earliest FA appearance of ithyphallic statues. I didn’t think that the FA provenance of the phrase was so recent, but my research was obviously slothful.

Although your politeness is certainly appreciated, your request for absolution is unnecessary. It is I who should offer a “Pardon me” and express my sincere thanks for the assistance.

There will be nine more of these posts in the coming days, and I encourage other long time readers and connoisseurs of Frog Applause to correct me if/when I err.

Sincerely,

/s/ Rotifer’s Mother

P.S. I wish I could have nice things to say about that “gentleman” who has so shamelessly adopted an avatar that looks suspiciously and confusingly similar to my son Rotty’s avatar.

Primary Ferrins stood at the window, watching the city below, as Second Altwin came shambling in, weaseling about, “We have left too long our departure, and a ship is in the harbor, and flying a black flag!”

Ferrins held little love for Altwin, finding it difficult to believe he had risen to Second at all, much less to bedevil him when he accepted this post. The man smelled like a bear, drank like a fish and yet had a voice like a chirping cricket, all sharp edges and irritating discordances.

Remaining silent, he willed Altwin to go away, hoping that by cutting him off it would somehow make his existence less odious, though the man seemed unlikely to take any hint, much less a such a subtle one, so easily mistaken for one lost in thought and pondering deep imponderables.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Just what I need for Christmas!

I hope I didn’t get here too late today for that wonderful BOGO offer!

But I need to see the full line of Killing Jars in catalogue form so I can make the most apt selections! There are so many jars I need to kill that which must be put down, you can’t imagine!

‘Sleeping IN A Jar’ by Frank Zappa

‘The Air’ by Frank Zappa

In my car

In a jar

https://youtu.be/bOCOMYGIfUQ

A real killer would be laughing to death. Number ? would be Nitrous oxide!! ;`)

Are these killing jars available with decorative handles like my fine Mason quaffing jars?

I really want my window display to be consistent in appearance.

Just a minute…

Watch out where the Eskimo Indian’s go…Husky’s don’t you eat that yellow snow.