Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for February 08, 2017

They needed the DNA they got from the envelope for the trial.

After awhile, he didn’t need to fill out the return address line; everyone knew from whence the letters came.

If you shake it more than three times you’re playing with yourself.

“Most people appreciate my thoughtfulness.”, he reasoned.

He knew, after all, that any true gift comes from within one’s self.

Not an idea attributable to Martha Stewart.

..blood,blood,blood,blood! It is supposed to be blood!…

…and when he died they put his urine in his urn…

…because he earned it…

…you forgot the ‘P’…

…no, it ran down my pants…

…I saw a celebrity talking about a cleanse…

…I call it drinking too much prune juice…

…little Donnie’s dad told him that when you grow up you can pee anything you want…

…suddenly, I am glad that my forever stamps are self sticking…

…I read that in Japan some folks drink their own urine…

…do they use a straw???…

Straws require less oxygen and get you stone drunk faster, beware.

Remember when they put mint in envelope/stamp glue?

p-mail

Now I’m afraid to reveal with what I am typing.

Now ain’t that a pisser !

Tinkle tinkle snail mailstream..

Water sports are rather popular on PornHub too.

Luckily, my letter-opener is stainless steel.

That is a rather quaint form of personalization, however. But more consistent practice might make it perfect!

Hence the mailman’s hazmat suit. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor…Ah hell!