Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for March 04, 2022

I hope for Herk the Mauler’s sake that Subwich is still in business too.

What kind of woman eats without taking off her scarf — Wilma Flintstone? Or is the heat turned off? Guess we’re not as SMOKY Joe’s. (although World War I U-boat is nice touch in P1, as is “JS” on cup in P2.) But what will Captain Selfish and her XO serve up next?

P4 “Yes and, Captain Obvious?”

P2.5 “Only some?”

Milford Health Dept. rating on the door: 3/4 on the ptomaine scale, with a sign saying, “Eat at your own risk.” Joe’s Sucks.

Pizzas, big subs, fries, Hoo … Milford kids stay remarkably trim considering their eating habits.

There’s nothing finer than a Joe’s Sub, cup of Sanka and a satisfying cigarette to top off a mediocre dining experience.

Wait – it’s not Joe’s Suds?

You’ve already ticked everyone off by dissing “The Bucket”!

Do teenage girls still really call each other “bestie”?

P1: Odd for a restaurant to be advertising a 3 out of 4 rating, but then again it was good enough for some toothpaste brands.

P 2.5: “…actually, bestie, you’ve been ticking people off since this arc started back in December, so no worries….”

P 4: “…actually, ‘selfish’ is good enough…the ‘captain’ part is just you…”

So what Draconian measure does Hollis plan to implement on her teammates to make them toe the line according to her rigid standards? Pranit is taking bets!

“Is that the footlong?”

“And then some.”

I’m sitting in riveted anticipation of what Talley Ho has been thinking that could really tick some people off. She’s dropping out of school to join the CIA? She’s considering a new hairdo? She’s carrying Pranit’s love child? She’s considering transferring to the Mary Worth comic strip? Whatever it is, I’m sure we’re sure to find out in a month or two.

Is that Kelly Kapowski?? Kaz’s girlfriend working undercover on where to get hard seltzer?

P-1: as the girls discus they’re afternoon together

P-2: Hmm, hmm, I’ve ben thinking what a great world this would be…

P-3: I’m going to resign my commission as Captain and make the team leaderless. I’m sure that will upset them.

nothing new here, the entire student body believes(with good reason) that she is selfish

I don’t know what sarees, lehengas and dupattas are. Why are they advertising them to me?

Bold prediction: Captain Talley(Ho)’s grand scheme is to stand on a cafeteria table top and out both the girls basketball team for rampant underage alcohol abuse (Cressa’s 1/3 can of Hoo Hard Seltzer consumption) under age alcohol use, and expose Prank Smith’s vast, school-wide gambling syndicate using inside information from her other “bestie” Gillian Aubery to detail the operation, which happens to be overheard by Heather Burns who coincidentally at the school in search of a varsity basketball coach to get quotes from for a story. Heather being the savvy investigative reporter writes the story which causes a chain reaction that leads to Cressa being thrown off the team and Hollis losing both her captaincy and USAF Academy appointment, Prank (Jami Thorp) being forced to shut down his Dukes.com account and pay Bob restitution by being banished to a Southeast Asian sweatshop to earn the funds which unwittingly foils his plot for revenge on his biological parents which brings on a full investigation into Milford HS athletics by the Valley Conference Commissioner who finds a lack of institutional control and vacates all recent second in the Valley titles for the last three years and imposes a two year ban for competing as a conference member which causes riots and mayhem that leaves the “Great Milford Fire” of 2021 looking like a campfire wiener roast.

Olive coat girl must have been really uncomfortable waiting for Hollis to finish. She got halfway through her sentence, stopped talking, the girls found a table, sat down, unwrapped her sub, lifted it to her mouth, and only then did Hollis say the second half of her sentence.

And when did Joe open this sub shop? He thinks he can beat out Subwich? No way, José! I mean Joe. And speaking of beating out, you can beat out the rush to see today’s Mopped Up Thorp by going there right now!

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